now this is the part where we break it down, now pick it up.
just a little taste of what i hear when i am at the club. it is a blast everytime i go. me and the group go about 2 times a month and just cut up. ahh the college life how i love thee, to bad it ends in 6 months.
today i slept...
more than usual, i do not ever remember doing anything like this before. why i ask myself. is it because i have this new job? is it because i am doing more school work? am i stressed? hmm this answer to this i do not know.
but what i do know is i am sleepy...
i have decided that i am angry for many reasons that cannot be disclosed. i have decided that i cannot take this and unless my issues are redressed i will be havnig some strong words with a lot of people.
that is all i have to say.
i just took a personality test...is this me?
As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.
INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.
INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.
INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.
But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.
Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.
INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.
In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.
The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.
Jungian functional preference ordering:
Dominant: Introverted Intuition
Auxilliary: Extraverted Feeling
Tertiary: Introverted Thinking
Inferior: Extraverted Sensing
for all of you that think that my photo skills are unmatched, here are some more for you to drool over...
most people go to a bar for their 21st birthday. but not this kid, for my 21st birthday i went to alaska. ewll it was the most beautiful place i have seen in a long time i must say.
well the feet one is just for Liz but i thought that i would share just a little with ya.
goodnight lamps, goodnight table,
goodnight bowl full of mush
and the little old lady whispering hush.
as my final summer as a college student comes to a close i look forward to the last year of college.
but enough of the mushy stuff
i awoke this morning from the worst dream, i was infected with flesh-eating bacteria and i was dying. it was horrible and i looked horrible too.
but hey i awoke and knew it was a dream, good things about dreams, they are not real.
somehow i know that, there's a place up above
with no more hurt and struggling
free of all atrocities and suffering
because i feel the unconditional love, from one who cares enough for me
to erase all my burdens
and let me be free to
fly like a bird.
take to the sky.
i need you now Lord, carry me high
don't let the world break me tonight.
i need the strength of you by my side.
sometimes this life can be so cold.
i pray you'll come and carry me home.
can we recover, will the world ever be
a place of peace and harmony?
with no war and with no brutality.
if we loved each other, we would find victory
but in this harsh reality
sometimes i'm so despondant that i feel the need to
fly like a bird.
take to the sky.
i need you now Lord, carry me high
don't let the world break me tonight.
i need the strength of you by my side.
sometimes this life can be so cold.
i pray you'll come and carry me home.
Keep your head to the sky
With God's love you'll survive
fly like a bird.
take to the sky.
i need you now Lord, carry me high
don't let the world break me tonight.
i need the strength of you by my side.
sometimes this life can be so cold.
i pray you'll come and carry me home.
carry me higher, higher, higher
carry me higher, higher, higher
carry me home
higher Jesus
carry me higher Lord
it's like that y'all, that y'all...
well needless to say this is a great day.
i continue to make changes to myself, and i am loving it. one little one has gotten more attention than some of the ones that i have made on a grander scale.
it is interesting how somethings go unnoticed to some and are blaringly clear to others. well if you notice this change you will love it.
ok so i know i said i was done but i found some more and could not resist...
Aeronausiphobia- Fear of vomiting secondary to airsickness
Ambulophobia- Fear of walking
Anthrophobia or Anthophobia- Fear of flowers
Amathophobia- Fear of dust
Apotemnophobia- Fear of persons with amputations
Asymmetriphobia- Fear of asymmetrical thingstations
Bathmophobia- Fear of stairs
Chromophobia or Chromatophobia- Fear of colors
Cymophobia or Kymophobia- Fear of waves or wave like motions
Didaskaleinophobia- Fear of going to school
Dipsophobia- Fear of drinking
Ereuthrophobia- Fear of blushing
Ergophobia- Fear of work
Heliophobia- Fear of the sun
Hyelophobia or Hyalophobia- Fear of glass
Hygrophobia- Fear of liquids, dampness, or moisture
Hypengyophobia or Hypegiaphobia- Fear of responsibility
Hylephobia- Fear of materialism or the fear of epilepsy
wow, i can not believe this. this year has gone from bad to worse to horrible to amazing.
things for me just keep getting better. i am more comfortable with myself and the man that i am becomming. and how i am growing as an adult.
the most important thing is that there are very few things that bother me now, i am happy, blessed and drama-free. i want everyone to feel like me.
goofing off one day i start imitating someone one the radio. someone turns to me and asks me if i sing for real. honestly i answer and tell them i have been singing for a long time.
i find myself randomly singing at work sometimes. and i get scorned, not because it sounds bad but because it is distracting to those that are one the phone, which is understandable.
i wonder what would happen if i did this professionally, or i just stopped.
countless people tell me i a great, but i think they are just blowing smoke. i can never tell what is real and what is not.
could i handle the truth, what would i do with it. hmmm i really do not know but one thing is for sure if i do not ask i will never know. so tell me what do you think?
how do i sound?
can you hear me?
(i am joking)
even though it is a year away, i am horribly excited to go to culinary school. i have not gotten in or figured out how i am going to pay for this but i am excited none-the-less.
i think it stems more from something that one of my very good friends said, you are serious about this, it is something you love nad are already good at. man i cannot wait until that day when i can walk onto that campus and start cooking.
just writing about it right now makes me even more excited. what can i say i am happy for once go figure. getting out of school, going home and reorganizing my life has brought me back to the person i used to be a long time ago.
i am so excited i do not know what to do with myself. right now i have 365 days until culinary school i know that sounds like a lot but think about it this way, God willing i have 22,000 days left so 365 is not bad at all.
food glorious food.
i have resumed my regular workouts at bally's. it is good to start to get back into shape again. maybe by november i will have gained 25 pounds, well at least that is my goal.
so while i am at the gym i get to lifting, which is the only way said pounds will get added, and i hear this guy lifting two benches over. now most people grunt, scream, or make some sort of gutteral noise. well not this guy.
it sounds like he is engaging in a porn movie. needless to say just a little gross, but hey i am not going to be the one to tell him, he is twice my size and all muscle.
that oh familiar word uttered from the mouths of little children. little children, little people, with their round faces, small hands and adorable features.
but do not let that fool you. they are smarter than they look.
just the other day i watched one make a laser out of a light bulb a mirror and a box of toothpicks. ok so i am talking about mcguyver, but it was worth the shot.
seriously though they are a bundle of joy with legs and arms and a head, with a mouth and eyes and hair and ears, and the most annoying phrase ever, i have to potty.
as my life has gotten progressively better, one thing has come into sharp relief, i have never connected to a single person. i have gotten close to people before but i want more than that.
i watch all of my friends and their lives, never envious but always happy for them. i think if you were to ask me that 2 months ago i would have said something else.
sitting at home watching tv, or a movie i want someone there. i love to be alone but at the same time i want someone there you know what i mean. not as an accessory or anything like that, but to be a companion.
someone to just lay witha nd talk at all hours of the night, someone who will call me or i can call just because, someone strong, compassionate, intelligent and creative. gentle and patient.
i feel like a tropical island, people stay there for a short time but then they leave and might not return until the next year. i want to feel connected to someone.
kinda a depression way to end, so a little ditty i came up with...
ok so i forgot it and i think it was stupid, but i would want them to laugh it and think it was cute none the less.
means that i am a little smarter, wiser and closer to death...well naturally that is.
think back, has this year really been different than all of the others. besides the obvious fact that i am getting old, on the surface you would probably say no.
i still make silly mistakes, still say inappropriate things, i am lacking in so many areas. but then there is not a person who is not lacking somehwere. and the realization of this has changed me. i have grown because i now identify what is defective about me and try and fix it. i will always be defective but hey i like it like that.
"she's working that back i don't know how to act. slow motion for me, slow motion for me, slow motion for me move in slow motion for me."
ok random thought but it was triggered by the last sentence.
granted they are defects but they are MINE and i love them. it makes me special.
that i think is why this ring is different from all of the rest. it was that marking of a very healty/prosperous year.
crazy that is.
for a while i thought that i was. there is this guy at work who i swore was two different people. now i am fortunate to have a photographic memory and so i am very very good at remembering what people are wearing and what they look like.
i thought that these two were brothers or something. plus every other time i would see him he would not have his glasses on. one day on the other off, one day on the next off.
it was starting to confuse me because i did not know if he wore glasses or not. it was the strangest thing.
well i just ran into him with the glasses on and then i knew, i was not going crazy it really was him. so now i feel better.
"i didn't know that hooters had take-out. what's the point?"
i might get a new i site. i do not know how this one will work so for right now i am doing two. the other one is with xanga.
check the links if you wanna read. the first blog is a repeat.
that phrase has been flying around the office all day. i guess so far it has been. if all goes really well i will get the apartment that i have been wanting for a while, boasting the biggests closets in northern indiana.
ok shut it erica i know you are laughing.
i am looking forward to all of the good things that will be happeneing today and this week.
time spent sitting down in a uncomfortable chair, while people from the company tell me about their jobs. some funny, witty, entertaining, others dull and boring.
next to me are beatuiful women from all over the northwest. it was fun, well some of the time.
yesterday we went out afterwards to the mall. well me and the three gils that i sat next to. i found many things that were on sale like a pair of jeans for 9.97 and they are good jeans.
but watching people in the mall was a sight.
one of the girls is very tiny and she can shop in little kids stores. so walking into abercrombie a kid no more than sixteen asked me if he could help me. trying not to laugh in his face i politely said no thank you and waited outside for her to get finished. he smiled warmly and went to the back.
when i walk into a store and the people that work there are over five years younger than me, i need to worry if i really need to be there.
granted this will change the older i get but for the time being i think that i am safe with that.
i have not heard a song in a long time that has touched me in such a way like this one. granted it is out of season since it is a christmas song, but it still does not lose any part of its message.
it was almost christmas time, there i stood in another line
tryin' to buy that last gift or two, not really in the christmas mood
standing right in front of me was a little boy waiting anxiously
pacing 'round like little boys do
and in his hands he held a pair of shoes
his clothes were worn and old, he was dirty from head to toe
and when it came his time to pay
i couldn't believe what i heard him say
chorus:
sir, i want to buy these shoes for my mama, please
it's christmas eve and these shoes are just her size
could you hurry, sir, daddy says there's not much time
you see she's been sick for quite a while
and i know these shoes would make her smile
and i want her to look beautiful if mama meets Jesus tonight
they counted pennies for what seemed like years
then the cashier said, "son, there's not enough here"
he searched his pockets frantically
then he turned and he looked at me
he said Mama made christmas good at our house
though most years she just did without
tell me sir, what am i going to do,
somehow i've got to buy her these christmas shoes
so i laid the money down, i just had to help him out
i'll never forget the look on his face when he said
mama's gonna look so great
sir, i want to buy these shoes for my mama, please
it's christmas eve and these shoes are just her size
could you hurry, sir, daddy says there's not much time
you see she's been sick for quite a while
and i know these shoes would make her smile
and i want her to look beautiful if mama meets Jesus tonight
bridge:
i knew i'd caught a glimpse of heaven's love
as he thanked me and ran out
i knew that God had sent that little boy
to remind me just what christmas is all about
repeat chorus
an interesting tidbit of information; chef's hats have 100 pleats in them, this is to indicate that the chef can cook eggs 101 ways.
so i decided to find out what those were. i know that there are not 101 w ays but i am getting there...
shirred eggs
eggs mexicana
eggs on a plate
eggs de lesseps
eggs meyerbeer
eggs a la reine
egga au miroir
eggs a la paysanne
eggs a la trinidad
eggs rossini
eggs baked in tomato sauce
eggs a la martin
eggs a la valencienne
fillets of eggs
eggs a la suisse
eggs with nut-brown butter
egg timbales
eggs coquelicot
eggs suzette
eggs en cocotte
eggs steamed in the shell
birds' nests
eggs in panade
egg pudding
eggs a la bonne femme
eggs mirabeau
eggs norweigian
eggs prescourt
eggs courtland
eggs louisiana
eggs richmond
hungarian eggs
eggs nova scotia
eggs lakme
eggs malikoff
eggs virginia
japanese eggs
eggs a la windsor
eggs buckingham
poached eggs on fried tomatoes
eggs a la finnois
eggs a la gretna
egga a l'inperatrice
eggs with chestnuts
eggs a la regence
eggs a la livingstone
eggs mornay
eggs zanzibar
eggs monte bello
eggs a la burbon
eggs bernaise
eggs a la rorer
eggs benedict
hard boiled
fried eggs
scrambled eggs
eggs creole
curried eggs
eggs beauregard
eggs lafayette
eggs jefferson
eggs washington
eggs au gratin
deviled eggs
eggs a la tripe
egga a l'aurore
eggs a la dauphin
egg balls
eggs a la bennett
eggs broulli
scalloped eggs
egg farci
develed egg salad
japanese hard eggs
eggs en marinade
eggs a la polonaise
eggs a la hyde
egga a la vinaigrette
eggs a la russe
eggs lyonnaise
egg croquettes
egg chops
scrambled eggs with chipped beef
eggs scrambled with lettuce (YUCK)
scrambled eggs with shrimp (bubba would love this)
eggs scrambled with fresh tomatoes
scrambled eggs with aspargus tips
omelets
fritata
sweet omelets
egg flip
i was asked to come and meet his new girlfriend because she wanted to meet all of the guys that he used to run with and he wanted to have a party. i said ok.
so i leave my house and drive over to a friend of his' house where the party was held. court, drew, john and i were there along with oliver, the guy who wanted us to meet teah. she is a great young lady i am happy for him.
seeing almost all of the 4x400 meter relay that was very close to winning three state championships together again brought a swell of fond and not-so-fond memories back. we reminisced about our old coach and how crazy he was, old track meets, and our lives in general back then.
it was funny, we had a fallout but you would have never known. we just picked up where we left off when we were closer, it was nice even for a day.
we caught each other up on everything that we were doing right now, and how life was going. i found it wonderful to hear that they were all doing well and what they will be doing in a few years.
we all had fun at the party, and everything that happened back in the day all became fond memories, even the ones that were not-so-fond earlier that day. we all had a great laugh.
the most annoying song in america right now. for me it ranks up there with the macarena.
few times you been round that track, so it's not gonna happen like that cuz i ain't no hollaback girl, i an't no holla back girl.
repeat
oooooo ooo that's my @#$! that's my @#$!
repeat x4
and i cannot get it out of my head because it is overplayed
post one of three
i made a horoscope blog the last time i wrote with random things that i thought about, bieng my normal stupid self. none of these were to be taken seriously.
the aquarius one could actually apply to someone and since i am a cancer-leo cusp i had to beef those two up.
but then it happened to someone i know and i feel bad. should i?
here read for yourself.
ah so true
capricon, aquarius, pisces, aries, taurus, gemini, cancer oh
leo, virgo, libra, scorpio, sagittarius i love all yall.
today's horoscope.
pisces- because jupiter is in your fourth house you will be ruled by your intestines, expect major constipation and bowel problems this week.
aries- the moon, which rules the water lies in your third house. be aware of all people that mean you harm, for they will try and drown you.
taurus- neptune is rising in your second house, this will cause irregular and severe hiccups and bad acne for you this month.
gemini- money will be a problem for you this month, be aware of your investments because many of them will fail this month.
cancer- saturn is rising in your sixth house bringing you good favor and luck, be adventurous this month.
leo- pouto is in your fifth house causing you much stress. relax and make time for you.
virgo- people will be looking for you to help them in their time of need. be generous with yourself because they will repay you ten fold.
libra- uranus is rising in your eighth house, muscular problems await you this month so eat a lot of bananas.
scorpio- venus is in your fourth house. love is all around you but not directed towards you, love someone and you might find it returned. also be aware of what you eat because you will have severe flatulants this month.
sagittarius- you are going to die
capricorn- the sun is in your thrid house, stay away from anything hot because it will burn you.
aquarius- you are fortunate in love, but jealousy awaits you. be aware of past affairs for they are all plotting against you right now.
stay tuned for more horoscopes.
when i was younger you could say, to know me what to love and trust me but now reflecting on a few things that have been happeneing this year and in my life in general i have seen certain trends. some people do not find me trustworthy and others no matter how much i love i never get it back.
it is very natural to think that it is the other person's fault and you are innocent but when it has been like this for about 4 or so years one has to think, one being me. and i thought about it for a while.
my past has a lot of bad experiences in it and somethings have caused me to shut down certain parts of my being, i do not completely trust myself, so why should anyone else want to trust me, and i really do not love myself that much, so why should anyone else. yes i have an ego and am confident which comes off in the beginning as that but after a while everyone realizes it is a front.
i have done it for so long that i do not think about it or realize that it is completely transparent. so i think it is time to trust myself, my feelings, opinions and especially my gut. also i have to learn to love EVERYTHING about me again, not just my smile, appearance, and the things that i am good at, but my shortcomings, flaws and imperfections. beauty is in the flaws not in what is perfect already, because there is no room for growth in perfection.
i have grown up in so many ways, how i conduct myself around adults, what i say and who i say it to, how to manage my time, money and decisions, but i still have a lot of growing to do on the inside. socially i am independent, self-efficient and successful, but personally i am not even close to ready.
i do not expect this change to happen over night or even in a week or month. this will take a very long time, but the resolution to do it is there and that is really all that i need. maybe i will once again be able to say to know me is to love and trust me as i once could years ago.
i would have never said yes...oh speaking of which i lead guys on and make them think i like them and when they ask me out, i say no.
well i would go on the first date to get some free food and movie and then i would tell them that this will not work out or have them give me their number and i would tell them i would call.
well what prompted these comments was the couple that was sitting across from liz, jenn and i at sakura's last night. they were incredibly awkward, and it looked like they were on their first date. he was skinny with a moustache and goatee but they did not connect and pasty white, she was thin witha flat round face and small brown eyes.
they really were perfect for each other in that wierd nerdy comic-book way. but needless to say it was interesting for us three to watch them and the awkwardness of the first date, especially for us.
their converstaion was not really that great, the highlight of it being the girl saying that she was their favorite white girl...
i will just leave it at that, and all three of us laughed so hard i thought my food was going to come out of my nose. so i tried to drown it by drinking, that did not work so i excused myself to the bathroom. i came back to hear her say that she would wear her glasses but she was wearing make-up.
WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH WEARING GLASSES?
then in the attempts to put a little more on she pulls out a regular sized stick of deoderant, puts on her make-up and gives him the makeout eyes, and i want to vomit. but hey i am not taking her out on a date and the two i was with were much much better looking anyways.
but that is where the date ended, and we left shortly after them.
maybe that guy should check out these dating ideas before taking her out again, and save anyone else from that awkwardness.
twinkling eyes, lips turned up baring the pearly whites underneath, and absolutely contageous. a smile is the most beautiful expression ever.
seeing her smile is enough to brighten my day. amazing how something so simple can alter someone so completely.
she smiles first, i smile back, and for an instant we are somewhere else lost in each other. even though it is just for a fleeting moment, the feeling lasts for what seems like ages.
just being drunk on something so small is the best buzz i have ever had.
man do i miss it...
it is raining again...why sould i expect anything else, this is washington. but still summer months do not get this kind of rain.
i sit here watching the world go by as people fly past in their cars. what a nice vantage point. i see everything, well almost everything.
i have this little game i play for times like this. i like to make up stories about the people i see outside of the window driving their cars up and down the interstate.
why is he going so fast, they must be sucessful to owna car like that, she is off to meet a man about a horse...stuff like that.
it is an enjoyable game that passes the time a can get quite a few laughs if i am a good mood.
oh just saw this guy that is going to work, little does he know that his wife knows he has been cheating on her and she is waiting in his office to "suprise him"
see what i mean i have a little bit of fun too.
you have a new message would you like to open it? that is what appears on my screen when i get to work today. so i click yes. it is loz asking for furniture for her new apartment. so i respond as usual and the classic sean and liz banter continues for about an hour over email.
we dicuss our friends marriage, her apartment, and my 21st birthday and how she is taking me out. well i felt great after the converstaino because i was sad that there would be no one that i could celebrate with and now there are 2 i am happy.
well that was until i talked to my agent. my credit score is horrible right now and i cannot be insured anymore. when i turned 21 my premium would drop two 1800 a year, which isnt' bad for a 21 year old. but now because my father has ruined my credit i am screwed.
i am so mad right now i do not know what to do and therefore i am making him pay all of the 5200 a year that it increased to because my insurance got cancelled. i really do not think that he will like that at all but hey he ruined me so he can deal with the concequences of his actions.
needless to say i am not happy anymore, oh yea and my loan just doubled because of this whole thing because of this i know i will have to pay it he will not. just like him, ruin my life and then leave. so back to work.
something really good must be on its way for me because life is horrible right now.
this is the last one...
Symbolophobia- Fear of symbolism
Taeniophobia or Teniophobia- Fear of tapeworms
Tapinophobia- Fear of being contagious
Telephonophobia- Fear of telephones
Teratophobia- Fear of bearing a deformed child or fear of monsters or deformed people
Thaasophobia- Fear of sittingToxiphobia or Toxophobia or Toxicophobia- Fear of poison or of being accidently poisoned
Trichinophobia- Fear of trichinosis
Urophobia- Fear of urine or urinatingVestiphobia- Fear of clothing
Walloonphobia- Fear of the Walloons (what is he talking about)
Xerophobia- Fear of dryness
Xylophobia- 1) Fear of wooden objects. 2) Forests
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat (WHAT!!?? how can you be afraid of a mole rat? what is a mole rat?)
well it started with the last semester at school. i hated it. so what did i do i decided to change it.
now two-and-a-half months later the changes are starting.
i gave up on medical school. it was no longer in my heart and the classes were causing more stress and anxiety then i truly desired. i like things light and easy to digest and this was turning into something completely different. so i might change my major, not quite sure about it but it might happen.
like my friend liz i am shopping for an apartment for the last year (plus a semester possibly) of school. then off to culinary school.
yup you read it right. i love to cook and found myself doing that more and more this year and the stress piled up. but not just any culinary school, the Culinary Institute of America in hyde park new york. i really really want to live there and have wanted to since i was young. so a good thing, i think.
but until i am done with school i have to work in a restaurant or catering service for 6 months, no biggie. i am entering 3 cooking contests, if i can win...keep your fingers crossed i can get a free ride to CIA (the school) that would be awesome.
but until then i am just working and setting up this last year of school to be a successful one that i will enjoy for once. who knows what the future may bring but i know it will be amazing.
it is almost over...
Pagophobia- Fear of ice or frost
Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything
Parturiphobia- Fear of childbirth
Pediculophobia- Fear of lice
Peladophobia- Fear of bald people
Philophobia- Fear of falling in love or being in love
Philosophobia- Fear of philosophy
Phobophobia- Fear of phobias
Photophobia- Fear of light
Pogonophobia- Fear of beards
Proctophobia- Fear of rectums
Rectophobia- Fear of rectum or rectal diseases
Rhabdophobia- Fear of being severely punished or beaten by a rod, or of being severely criticized. Also fear of a magic wand
Scoleciphobia- Fear of worms
Sinistrophobia- Fear of things to the left or left-handed
Somniphobia- Fear of sleep
Symmetrophobia- Fear of symmetry
it keeps going and going and going...
Ligyrophobia- Fear of loud noises
Linonophobia- Fear of string
Logophobia- Fear of words
Luiphobia- Fear of lues, syphillis
Macrophobia- Fear of long waits
Mageirocophobia- Fear of cooking
Maniaphobia- Fear of insanity
Melophobia- Fear or hatred of music
Menophobia- Fear of menstruation
Metrophobia- Fear or hatred of poetry
Metathesiophobia- Fear of changes
Mnemophobia- Fear of memories
Motorphobia- Fear of automobiles
Mottephobia- Fear of moths
Mythophobia- Fear of myths or stories or false statements
Nomatophobia- Fear of names
Numerophobia- Fear of numbers
Olfactophobia- Fear of smells
Oneirophobia- Fear of dreams
Ornithophobia- Fear of birds (only ok if you have seen alfred hitchcock's The Birds)
and on and on and on...
Genophobia- Fear of sex
Genuphobia- Fear of knees
Gerascophobia- Fear of growing old
Geumaphobia or Geumophobia- Fear of taste
Gnosiophobia- Fear of knowledge
Graphophobia- Fear of writing or handwriting.
Gymnophobia- Fear of nudity
Hamartophobia- Fear of sinning
Helminthophobia- Fear of being infested with worms
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words (is that not ironic)
Homichlophobia- Fear of fog
Homilophobia- Fear of sermons
Hygrophobia- Fear of liquids, dampness, or moisture
Hylophobia- Fear of forests
Ideophobia- Fear of ideas
Koinoniphobia- Fear of rooms
Kyphophobia- Fear of stooping
Lachanophobia- Fear of vegetables
Levophobia- Fear of things to the left side of the body
and the list continues...
Agateophobia- Fear of insanity
Auroraphobia- Fear of Northern lights
Cenophobia or Centophobia- Fear of new things or ideas
Chaetophobia- Fear of hair
Chirophobia- Fear of hands
Cholerophobia- Fear of anger or the fear of cholera
Chronomentrophobia- Fear of clocks
Clinophobia- Fear of going to bed
Coprophobia- Fear of feces
Cypridophobia or Cypriphobia or Cyprianophobia or Cyprinophobia - Fear of prostitutes or venereal disease
Decidophobia- Fear of making decisions
Defecaloesiophobia- Fear of painful bowels movements
Dextrophobia- Fear of objects at the right side of the body
Electrophobia- Fear of electricity
Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers
Epistaxiophobia- Fear of nosebleeds
Epistemophobia- Fear of knowledge
Geliophobia- Fear of laughter
Geniophobia- Fear of chins
outrageous phobias, there is nothing wrong with them, but i think that they are funny.
Agyrophobia- Fear of streets or crossing the street.
Alektorophobia- Fear of chickens.
Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.
Amnesiphobia- Fear of amnesia.
Amychophobia- Fear of scratches or being scratched.
Anablephobia- Fear of looking up.
Ancraophobia- Fear of wind. (Anemophobia)
Apeirophobia- Fear of infinity.
Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
Aulophobia- Fear of flutes.
Barophobia- Fear of gravity.
Botanophobia- Fear of plants.
Bromidrosiphobia or Bromidrophobia- Fear of body smells.
Cacophobia- Fear of ugliness.
Cathisophobia- Fear of sitting.
Carnophobia- Fear of meat.
Chronophobia- Fear of time.
Coprastasophobia- Fear of constipation.
there are just days where i am mad at the world.
this is one of them. i wish it was not that way but hey what can you do? but now i have to deal with people. never a good thing.
well i am happy for all of those who good things are happening to, but that does not make my day any better.
for now i will just be mad.
You know what is really funny. Is the amount of attention that you get. It is ridiculous. But you never see it like that. All you see is I don't want to get hurt and you know what I am kinda getting sick of it. I love you to death E but you are the one acting like you are in jr high. You are the girl that just sits there and complains about all of the attention that you are getting. You are a pretty young lady, smart and funny. Occasionally you are charming and always fun to be around except when you are crazy.
I would rather be bitter about being hurt after letting myself fall for someone, than not ever being in a relationship. You are very lucky, well both of us are, and all we do is complain about all of the things that we find wrong with situations. We both over think things. Go with the flow. Is he hot? Are you attracted to him? How old is he? Are you two comfortable around each other? How well do you know him?
There are a lot of questions that he has going through his head like I am sure that you do. Guys will act like they are in jr high until they can figure out how you feel about things. If he is interested in you which it sounds like, especially because he wants to cook for you, you need to either give him the ok to pursue you or not. He doesn't know whether or not you are safe, so he isn't going to get burned especially because he will have to see you a lot and he doesn't want things to get awkward. It is better for a guy to just leave things alone then to mess up something like this. So he is playing safe. DON'T LISTEN TO OTHER PEOPLE! You know what comes out of that, nothing good. If you want to date him, DATE HIM.
Everyone is bitter about something, or has ulterior motives. Do not pay most people attention because they are here to cause you harm, or are self interested. They could want the guy for themselves or they might want your time. I don't know. But for someone who doesn't know you all that long or well it is harm for me to think that they are just doing that to be a friend. That is what dilullo, amberly and I are here for. They got offended then they are ok and keep on going.
The biggest thing that keeps you from moving on is m. You compare EVERYONE to him, or think that they will act like him. Well there are a whole bunch of guys in the world and a whole bunch of them don't act like that. You know that, oh yea and just so you know...you still love him too. Think about it...
But stop thinking, that is one of the worst things about women in general. They tend to over think situations which is a buzz kill for men and women look too far into conversations that way too. Overanalyzation kills relationships, guys hate it because we feel that you don't take anything we say for face value. If he likes you, he likes you. If you like him, you like him, simple as that. Listen to your heart it will never steer you wrong, but speak with both your mind and heart. If he makes you happy even if it for an instant that is all that matters, because being happy for a while and even getting hurt is much better than protecting yourself from being hurt so you can never truly be happy.
Do what you need to do to make yourself happy, and everything will work out.
...knock knock KNOCK...
uuuuuugh, i get up and go to the door, and it is six in the morning. hello officer, why are you here?
move kid!
why, you wake me up and come into my room, and attempt to look through my things. i think the least you could do it give me an explanation.
we are here because someone reported that someone in this room is stealing playstations.
well i can tell you that it is not me. (wow do i sound drunk)
frank get up. i think the cops have something to talk to you about.
what do you want?
are you the one that people that has taken a playstation?
i don't know what you are talking about.
well one of the guys on your floor called and said that they think it was you that took their playstation, so we are going to look around.
officers can you please leave my things alone, there are some very expensive things in here and i would like that they all stay intact.
until we are satisfied that your roommate is not responsible, the both of your things do not matter to us.
well they start to go through all of my things. they find a bunch of white powder on the sink.
whose is this white powder?
it is mine i say.
are you aware that you are going to jail for posession?
it is migrane medicine look in the cabinet...can i go bed now?
yes we will be back to question both of you two later.
good-bye.
i have been gone for about a year and she has cutoff contact with two that i thought that she was friends with. well now that i am back i have tlaked to them and now i know why she is no longer friends with them.
they are childish and immature. i find myself becomming annoyed with every converstaion that i have with them, and even if i stop talking, they respond anyway.
the topics are pointless and have no meaning. they are a complete waste of time. why me?
this is my new favorite site. this guy is hilarious.
addicting, possibly but for right now amusing. it is a nice little pick me up if you will.
dry, sarcastic humor for all of you who love that stuff and the bizarre things that you hear and think who does that, this is for you.
oh yea the link is on my sidebar.
i heard this song for the first time on monday. well five days later that song is still in my head.
it is not that catchy of a song, but what it has to say is very interesting.
well i guess i look for a lot of those things from the person that i am dating. that is fine and all but the reason why that sticks so well for me si because that is the way i am when i fine someone worth that.
i do want to cater to them. but for the time beign i will let destiny's child cater to me.
today, i have been busy.
not just with work but with life. finally i have control, well in a matter of speaking, and in a long time i get to be happy. well that is if everything that i cannot control goes in my favor.
but all in all a change has occured today that is the best change i have ever made.
maybe i can smile again, and i mean REALLY smile. not the front that i put up all of the time. i think that would be the best thing of all.
to life, le hiem
thank you
you are wonderful for being there, taking me whereever i want to go without complaint.
i can always relay on you. even when you are sore and do not want to go anywhere you still do and again i thank you. you let me dress you up all sorts of ways and you do not care.
even when i put on bows and lace(s). you are hard to get embarassed and what a wonderful thing. you are even a foot long. hahaha
but most importantly if it were not for you i could not be physically active. i would be sad without you.
thank you for the bottom of my heart,
sean
you thought that you could take advantage of his feelings
you thought that you did not have to love him
you thought you did not have to include him...
he became doormat to everyone he meets
he never learned how to love himself
he always felt alone.
you thought that you could control him
you thought that he was weak
you thought that everything was ok...
he lost all control
he showed everyone how strong he was,
he brought a weapon to school and murdered 12 people and then killed himself.
now everything is not ok, lives are ruined and families are broken.
the only thing that he wanted was a friend in you.
a little attention goes a long way and a friend found this out the hard way.
it is not that hard, reach to someone, you never know whose life you might save.
(i was not involved in any way just so you do not think i did this)
sean- hey did you know that they (chair massages) are now moved to the second floor. betcha did not know that.
hahahaha
liz- i did, actually.
s- man i thought that i knew something you didn't. oh well i will try again later.
l- i know EVERYthing. no… that's a lie.
s- i was about to say FALSE! but, you beat me to it.
l- Bwah-ha!
s- did you really make that sound, cuz that would have been AWESOME
l- i did in my head… but i do out loud quite often.
s- well that is good, but i think that would have been funny if you did and it is completely silent down there too. do you have to meet up with his mom anymore today?
l- no more with his mom… though she's gonna call and we're gonna plan a lunch with my parents.
s- well that it really nice.
l- yeah, i guess.
s- why do you say it like that? this way they will get to know you as madame G, mistress G, sister G, hood rat G, frugal G, bald G (that is cuz I am gonna shave your head hahahaha), pregnant G (you better not be), whatever G, you want maybe even Liz G.
l- hood rat? sister? mistress? NO! BALD?! NO!
PREGNANT??? HELL NO!
:) liz is fine.
s- i am kind of partial to hood rat, sister implies nun, mistress i could see you as one, bald of COURSE BALD.
glad to hear it, well just at least for right now, you WILL get knocked up later though.
yea liz is good, but it is fun to attach surnames before it.
l- why are you partial to hood rat? sister? nonono. mistress… well, you gotta point.
bald. nonono. and knocked up? NONONO.
s- no i just like calling people hood rats, i am not saying you are.
sister, well every girl has a good side to her, even you.
yea you know you would be a good mistress.
bald, yea yea yea
knocked up, OH YEA! for someone who hates children i have a feeling you will have a couple.
l- CRAP. you're gonna jinx me.
s- that is the point. i WANT you to have kids. you would love it.
l- ewww. grody.
s- they are not grody, you know that. only cleaning up poop is grody.
l- they ARE grody.
s- well then I hope you have 6 children. that are all just like you.
l- how many are you gonna have?
s- 2 maybe 3, it is funny i have chosen a name for one, and my friend named her child my name and we have never talked about it.
l- that happened to my parents. my brother was supposed to be jonathan michael but my uncle stole it… so my brother is jason andrew. and that same uncle… his daughter, my cousin april… stole the song I wanted to play at my wedding when I walk down the aisle.
s- what was the song?
l- "goin' to the chapel and we're gonna get married…"
s- you WOULD walk down the aisle with that song playing.
the name was micah anthony.
l- i knew a girl named micah.
s- yea the girl who took that name, that is her sister's name.
hey go to the newest link on my website you will LOVE it.
l- i will in a minute… tryin' to get something done.
do you see all of the exclamation points? fred would kill me and liz.
cool, refreshing water cascading off of the side of a rocky cliff, with trees surrounding it. creating a beautiful landscape that can only be fathomed by the imagination. i am just letting the water pour all over my head, while i take in the smells, and sounds. it is beautiful. fish swimming at my feet tickling them, bird all around singing, and animals drinking from the crystal clear water.
then i woke from my day dream in the shower because the water was getting cold. many days start out like that, the shower is my escape, until the cold water brings me back.
it is funny like that how something so mundane can be a daily vacation, keeping everything in you calm and relaxed. i am in dire need of a vacation, i guess i will take a shower after work.
so i decided to go to this postsecret blog on blogger. well needless to say it was pretty cool.
capricorn, aquraius, pises, aries, tuarus, gemini, cancer OH
leo, virgo, libra, scorpio, sagitarius, i love all yall.
and that is how bored i am right now. nothing to do. i want to fall asleep, but i know if i do i will get into trouble.
what am i doing. someone please save me, SOON. i am even using capital letter today. that is how bad it is.
since i can harldy see the screen, so i am typing with my eyes closed. it is a lot harder than i initially thought.
ok so everyone has heard there are no such things as stupid question. well ibeg to differ there are stupid questions, but why the person asked the question is not stupid.
like one of my favorites that i have asked was this:
on the crystal geyser label it says "bottled at the source, crystal geyser, natural spring water, BY CG ROXANE"
who is cg roxane, and did they make the water, because if they did then it is not natural, and if they did not what why is their name on the label?
ok not gonna lie a stupid question but i love to ask it anyways.
yesterday it rained, and the day before, and the day before that one too. it is supposed to rain today also.
man this is a lot of rain.
i cannot even go out and play in it, and i cannot curl up on my couch cushion and watch a movie or read a book.
what is it about rain that is just so great. i love it, watching it, listening to it, the way everything is after it, the smell of the air before it.
such a great thing rain is. well until it causes a flood and then the fire claims get really busy and no one wants that. (ok inside joke). laugh you know you want to.
back to the rain.
ok so funny story. (well at least i thought that it was)
a woman at a club was dancing with a young man, and another woman came up to them and started to dance with him. this preceeded to make the first and shorter girl angry.
these two started to fight over this man, getting louder and louder. a circle clears for them becuase everyone thought that they were going to fight. before the fight could get started the shroter one took off her heels and hit the taller one in the eye with the back of her shoe.
moral of the story: do not get into a fight at a club with a short woman in heels over a man.
so we have decided that everyone has a thing. what is yours? i guess i should be a little more clear when i say that we decided. we is my biology class.
one day we were talking about one girls culy hair which is her thing and that is what i said. well that started a brand new conversation about things.
i guess that mine is my smile and goofy personality (insert sound-effects here). wink
but some people were sad when they could not think about their thing and no one could tell them that they had one. i guess that is a good thing when there is something that you have that noone else does or that makes you stand out.
so what is your thing?
i miss so much right now.
the free time that you had when you got out of school for the summer.
being able to wake up whenever you want.
being lazy.
being active.
doing what i want when i want.
watching movies all day.
running fast.
eating a whole lot of food (i do not eat as much anymore)
going out with close friends (but that will change soon)
taking long showers.
driving my car.
my bobo
doing something stupid and laughing about it.
eating summer fruit (they have not all become available yet)
potato salad
parties
cooking
peach cobbler (well just mine)
well i think that is all for the time being.
you know the rest. and if you do not then i am sorry for you.
yup ladies and gentlemen that is where i am working this summer. i think that it will be a fun experience since i really do not know seeing as i have only been here two days so far.
one things is nice is that i can see some of the people that i worked with last year and see how they are doing.
auto underwiting is where i am right now, and it is not as bad as i thought it would be. but now it is back to work seeing as that is what i am getting paid for. hahahaha
being a designated driver is a great thing but sometimes i hate doing it. like when this picture was taken. i was toting people all around all night, and the only source of entertainment was what happened when i had to drop someone off.
they (the drunk ones) got a hold of my camera and started taking random pictures of each other. and what you see is a result of that.
it is hilarious because she is completely smashed and is really not like that, and that i know if i was there that would never had happened. so i it interesting to see people when the do stuff like this and do not know that others will remember and see what they are doing the next day.
needless to say she got a kick out of seeing it. and so will everyone who knows her and this site.
that is right i am talking about stress. it is that thick around here right now. end of the year stuff is going on so you know we are all studying like crazy and trying to get out of here and all the madness.
time for all nighters, adarol for some, migranes for me, stress for all, great parties, saying godd-bye to those graduating, finding places to live next year, and all of that good stuff.
well needless to say i am quite ready to blow this popsicle stand. but that is right i come back for one more year, and then that is right the REAL world. i do not think that i am ready for that yet but we will find out in about 12 months now will we.
ha that is not that long of a time for me. it is interesting, this is a big year for me. turning 21, starting my senior year in the fall, graduating in the spring, living on my own...wow where does the time go.
i remember when i was little and would listen to "the mistletoe jam" by luther vandross at christmas and just have myself a grand old time just being little. man i wish i could still do that. oh well enough about that. time to get back to the books.
so i have had the worst stomachache of my life for the past three months.
ok it is not like i have had it all three months but at least 4 days a week for the past three months i have had really really severe ones. some times i just think it is because of natural reasons, but now i am starting to question that.
i really am not a big fan of these and it is like having a migrane minus the head pain. so with that said i am gonna try and sleep it off or something.
so this has been a very interesting weekend. i went to marquette for a big party, it was a blast. drove back for a brotherhood event with some great competition, lost on sat. and sun got a whole bunch of stuff done.
then i went to church, which was excellent, i thouroughly enjoyed it. understood a physics problem that i had no clue what to do before church, so i will blame him for that one.
and didn't get to bed til four getting more work done. got up and missed a class.
went to a party before my second class, it was really fun and i saw people that i would have never expected to see there. went to class and have my own personal summer while almost everyone is buzzed and the teacher is crackin jokes left and right which actually really funny.
got out of there met with a friend to finish a test re-work. watched a movie with three really hot ladies in it while and folded my laundry. and then finished a paper. wow i am AWESOME. i wish i had fun like this all of the time because i am still being a great student and gettin work done too.
i'm LOVIN life right now!!!! (fred those were for you)
so i have found a new song in spanish to fall in love with. the last one was, hoy es adios, and you could find me singing it everywhere and it was great i loved what it had to say and still do for that most part. but now i have found that is just as good and i have not heard before, well that is a lie, i have not heard in a long time.
it is by carlos ponce and i think i am gonna take some time and check this artist out, he might be worth getting a cd. but for the time being i will just listen to the song. oh if you were wondering what the song is it is called, llevame contigo.
oh and here are the words for all of you spanish buffs (or just for people who know how to speak the language).
tiene tu sonrisa un quien sabe
un no sé que, un qué sé yo
que me está volviendo loco
tiene tu mirada un puede ser
un tal vez o a lo mejor
que no logro descifrar
soy un habitante de la calle
no le debo nada a nadie
y lo poco que me queda es para ti
llévame contigo
a un lugar prohibido
llévame contigo al rincón de tu querer
ponme de castigo
hazme lo indebido
que no voy a resistir mira que no puedo estar sin ti
tienes un encanto, un hechizo
un maldito maleficio
que me tiene hipnotizado
llevas mi tortura en la cintura
y este mal no tiene cura
no quiero morir tentado
soy un habitante de la calle
no le debo nada a nadie
y lo poco que me queda es para ti
llévame contigo
a un lugar prohibido
llévame contigo al rincón de tu querer
ponme de castigo
hazme lo indebido
que no voy a resistir mira que no puedo estar sin ti (repite)
estar sin ti
voy cayendo lentamente en tu cautivador
alucinógeno
voy probando sin remedio un hÃbrido sabor
de caramelo amargo y dulces sueños
de dulces sueños
llévame contigo
a un lugar prohibido
llévame contigo al rincón de tu querer
ponme de castigo
hazme lo indebido
que no voy a resistir no lo voy a resistir
llevame llevame
a un lugar un lugar
donde puedo hacerte bien o mal
ponme de castigo
hazme lo lo que quiera
cuando quieras.
mira que no puedo estar sin ti
llévame contigo
a un lugar prohibido
llévame contigo al rincón de tu querer
Oh
ponme de castigo
hazme lo indebido
que no puedo estar sin ti
weren't you the one who said that you didn't want me anymore. and how you need the space and give the key back to your door. and how i cried and tried and tried to make you stay with me. still you said that love was gone and that i had to leave. now you, are talking about a family. now you, sayin i complete your dreams. now you, sayin i'm your everything. you're confusing me, what you say to me, don't play with me. don't play with me.
what comes around, goes around. what goes up must come down. now who's cryin, desiring to come back to me. what goes around, comes around. what goes up must come down. now who's crying, desiring to come back.
i remember sittin home all alone. waitin for you, till three o'clock in the morn.
and when you came home, you'd always have some sorry excuse. and explainin to me, like I'm just some kinda fool. i sacrifice the things i want to and do things for you. but when it's time to do for me, you never come through. now you, wanna be a bond of me. now you, have so much to say to me. now you, wanna make time for me
what you do to me. you're confusin me. don't play with me. don't play with me.
cause what goes around, comes around. what goes up, must come down. wow who's cryin, desirin to come back to me. what goes around, comes around. what goes up, must come down. now who's cryin, desirin to come back.
i remember sittin home all alone. waitin for you, till three o'clock in the morn.
night after night, knowin sumthing goin on. wasn't home before me you was, you was gone. lord knows it wasn't easy, but believe me. never thought you'd be the one that would deceived me. and never do what u was supposed to do. no need to hose me fool, cause i'm over you.
cause what goes around, comes around. what goes up, must come down. wow who's cryin, desirin to come back to me. what goes around, comes around. what goes up, must come down. now who's cryin, desirin to come back.
wow, i think for the first time in a long time i am relieved with a decision that i made concerning leaving something. it is the first time that i have not finished something all the way through, but you know what, it is ok.
i have decided to leave track and field while i am still attending valpo. i have had my share of good times and bad times, more often bad then good, but hey life is not always ideal. it was more a decision based on my role as a student-athlete. i am a student first and then an athlete and as much as my coach said that he really did not believe that.
planning my schooling around track and field is a hard thing for me because all of my courses are lab courses and are anywhere between 3-5 hours in some cases. naturally i will have times when i cannot make it to practice and that was always a cause for stress.
as i have gotten older the demands of my major have become greater and greater and this means that i have to devote more time to it than any other thing because that is the reason i am here.
track has always been something that i have loved and i am sure that i will keep on running well after i graduate, but for right now it is my job to concentrate on graduating, doing well in the MCAT, getting into medical school, and finding a job. only after i have my life in order i can play. that is something that my coach does not realize needs to happen for me to be happy.
he can always find another runner, but i cannot waste my time, and in a sense that is what i think that i am doing. it was fun (or not) while it lasted but i think that it is time for me to bow out and focus on things that are a little more important, like my future.
so this is the first time that i think i have put my roommate on this website, well a picture that is. oh yea he is the one in the spartan cheerleader outfit.
yes this is halloween up in Milwalkee so do not get any ideas. hahahaha. ahh the memories that we have created, watching him rearrange other borhter's rooms, playin halo, watching tv at odd hours of the night, ramen, driving to random places, runs to fast food joints in the middle of the night cuz we are hungry, dunes, beirut champs... you get the idea.
this is the fuirst year i had a good roommate, the last two very interesting but oh well what can you do?
wow it is really hot in here they need to turn back on the air.
so i am just chillin at a party the night before formal and all of a sudden this girl just comes out of no where. she walks down the stairs and them grabs a trash can and you guessed it, proceeds to vomit all up in there.
so my friend sara walks down the stairs and over to the girl and this is what she says...
did you just come in here and vomit? well it stinks and we just don't do that here...
cue dellay - "so you will have to leave"
cue scott - "so what did this girl do, just walk in here, vomit, and leave? who does that?"
what is up with drunk people?
there is a time and a place for everything. and there are things that you should and should not say. if you feel the need to say things that you should not know this be aware of the consequences.
it is rude and inconsiderate of you to do something like that, even if you think that it is a joke. to take advantage of someone's feelings to make someone else laugh is a disgusting thing to do which makes me sick.
how can you call yourself a brother? you say that you uphold a certain set of values and morals, but it is ok whenever you feel like laughing to make others uncomfortable. is that right? do you talk to the person before? do you consider where they are comeing from and why they might be hurt? do you understand them and their life?
if you do not think about things like that not only do you endanger your relationship with someone, you you make yourself look like an ass. this goes doubly for those who understand why the other person feels that way.
know that it is not your place to say things like that and do not say them. irreperable damage is done with words like that. if nothing else do it because there is a certain level of respect that should be given to each brother and do not put them through that. it is an intentional attempt to hurt someone, and does nothing but cause problems with people later.
everyone has a sore spot that gets pushed more often than it should. realize this and know that there are some things that should never be brought up, and others that might be good only if you do it at the right time. tonight was not one of them and it was extremely hurtful. no one likes to feel that they are under attack, and others have to defend themselves from the outside world too. more so than others in some peoples cases. understand that, and realize that they do not need that from someone who is supposed to be bound together in frendship and love. you know the rest, i do not need to write it.
when i get old and decrepid, like 95. (and she is 71 now)
ill have one foot on the banana peel and one in the grave.
where does she get this stuff from? i love her so much, she is a hoot. what would i do without her. she means the world to me and cracks me up.
oh by the way, this is my grandma.
"the chemistry between us i can't explain, i love to hear you call my name."
"how do i say hello? i just wanna talk to you. how do i say your beautiful? when i can't take my eyes off you. i don't wanna say the wrong thing, i wanna use the right words to impress you. my baby"
"mil mien palabras bastaran. yo necesito mucho mas. entregate esta vez y asi sere feliz. mis besos nuncan cansaran. para socearme, ser de amar. dame la enternidad. dame tu amor sin fin."
"pero el tiempo pasó. no preguntes porque, Él ya no regresó a nuestro hogar. la frontera marcó su destino final. y a mis brazos jamás volvió.
hoy es adios, mañana quizás, sé que tu vas a volver. hoy es adios, mañana quizás, no hay fronteras en nuestro querer."
"i know that your hiding things, using gentle words to shelter me. your words were like a dream. but dreams ould never fool me, not that easily.
i acted so distant then. didn't say good-bye before you left. but i was listening. you fight your battles far from me, far too easily.
save your tears cuz ill come back i could hear that you whispered, as you walked through that door. but still i swore to hide the pain as i turned back the pages. shouting might have been the answer. what if i cried my eyes out and begged you not to depart?
but now i am not afraid to say what is in my heart.
1000 words have never been spoken, will fly to you pressing over the time. and distance holding you suspended on silver wings. and 1000 words, 1000 confessions, will cradle you. making all of the pain you feel seem far away. they'll hold you forever.
the dream isn't over yet, though i often say i can't forget. i still relive that day.
you've been there with me all the way, i still hear you say.
wait for me i'll write you letters, i could see how you stammered with you eyes to the floor. but still i swore to hide the doubt when i turned back the pages. anger might have been the answer, what if i hung my head and said that i couldn't wait.
but now im strong enough to know it's not too late.
1000 call out through the ages, they'll fly to you even though we can't see. i know they're reaching you, suspended on silver wings. 1000 words, 1000 embraces, will cradle you, making all of your weariness seem far away. they'll hold you forever.
1000 words, have never been spoken, they'll fly to you. they'll carry you home, and back into my arms, suspended on silver wings. 1000 words call out through the ages, they'll cradle you, turning all of the lonely years, to only days. they'll hold you forever."
my tummy hurts, really badly. i wish someone would come over and take care of me. i love it when that happens. but i am really not feeling well right now.
i love it when it rains. i love going for walks when it is pouring down rain, it is so relaxing. i do not know if it is because i live in washington when i am not at school, or is it because i just like rain. possibly both. but there is nothing better than strolling around when it is pouring just thinking about the day, how pretty everything is and thinking about life in general.
it is peaceful, there is no thunder or lightning so every thing is just still. it is not quiet like snow, sun causes people to come out and play wich is a good thing and then burn, cold is blistering, heat is sweltering, humidity is sticky, and dryness is really, really bad for my skin.
i love the rain, especially warm rain.
you can take a srtoll in it.
you can sing in it.
it makes for great jumping puddles when it is done.
it creates a pleasent sound when hitting your window/house.
i can use my windshield wipers.
it is relaxing.
it is life.
it makes the groud all muddy.
you can smell when it is coming.
it makes old peoples joints ache, and some young ones too.
it calms the mind and the body.
it waters the grass.
it gets your car dirty, or in nikki's case sometimes fills up your car with water (it is ture i have seen it happen).
and according to zoolander, moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty, and that is right, water is moisture.
so like is said rain is awesome and i wish it would rain right now so i can take a walk in it. oh wait do i see a cloud?
i know this is strange to see men dressed up like women. no none of these guys are gay but it is funny none-the-less.
i mean honestly, this pic was taken on halloween so what do you expect. i guess the only thing i have to say wow, they do not make attractive women. hahahaha.
i am getting addicted to posting pictures on my blogsite. it is fun and now you get to see just a little of what was going on this year. do not worry, that is about the worst picture that you will ever see. but i was just looking through all of my pics and thought it was really funny.
but anyways i am sad that one of my links has to go away, she is moving on and i do not know when the next site will be up or what it will be, so look for the updated site.
well off to class.
nope, but it sure is funny as hell. see what college kids do in their free time and sometimes it is not free. well what can you do sometimes that is just the way it is.
without anything else to do we resort to entertaining ourselves. and see this is what happens.
but lets not kid ourselves, we are adults according to society, so all this is is a mature way to express ourselves. what who am i kidding. no but seriously we want to be treated as adults. what? who does that?
well lets see what happens in the future.
i did it. my very first picture on my website. it took long enough since all of the previos attempts failed and i was sad.
i cannot express the jubilation that i am feeling righ tnow, just let me tell you it is great none-the-less. i have found something else to keep myself occupied, posting pics. hahaha how great is that.
yes jon i am easily amused
and it is called the face book.
this little site lets you create a profile, and then with that you can search everyone that has a profile that is attending any one of the schools that this thing is connected to.
there are a whole bunch, you can add these people as frineds, find old ones from high school, make new ones. then you can send them messages, get their screen names and all that other good stuff, just to make the world even smaller.
well i guess it is nice and all but that is all everyone here is talking about. there are plenty of other things going on right now but this is the buzz around the school.
it is a nice little piece of software that lets you keep in touch but honestly i do not see why it is so addicting. almost everyone i have as my friends are either on my buddy list, in my phone, live down the hall, or i see more than three times a week. so why?
the ones that go to other schools, those are nice. but man i do not understand the craze.
well maybe one of these days i will get it, but i am thinking no that is not the case.
i write again. i have just finished my spring break and now i am back in the routine. i guess it could be much worse but right now i feel a little bit better than when i left and that is a good thing.
like i wrote before i ran into an old friend who i have not seen in two years. that was very nice.
then when i went down to my fraternity house at UPS i ran into another old friend which i had not seen in three years and the funny thing is that we never thought that we would be in the same fraternity because we are so different. it is funny the way things turn out.
that was a great weekend i met some awesome sigs and some are coming to visit me on their way to grand chapter. how awesome is that? but not gonna lie that party was awesome. i have not had so much fun in a long time and it was nice being anonymous.
then i met up with liz and jenn a long overdue meeting. it was nice to catch up on all of the things that we have been doing, that we did not say on email. and chocolate lasagna is really good.
so my friend just died in brazil. well not really cuz i just got done talking to him earlier today.
he was on a mission trip for two years and it sounded like he had a blast. it is funny seeing someone after that long and seeing how much you change, and yet how so much of you has stayed the same.
talking with him and listening to him talk gave me perspective on a lot of things, and it was very nice and refreshing. it is nice that i can always have a deep converstaion with him and also shoot the shit (pardon my french). but when i left i was happier and a little more energized and that is a good thing.
i stopped by to see liz today and she was not there and i was sad. so i left and went home.
i cannot wait to see her and jen. hey maybe i will bring josh along one if these days and they can meet him. i think that they would like him, since we all have about the same taste in friends.
oh and josh this is for you
"how do you kill a purple elephant? with a purple elephant gun. so then how do you kill a pink one? you hold it's trunk until it is purple and then shoot it with the purple elephant gun."
what is wrong with me? i do not know but man is it awesome.
well i have finished all of the episodes of alais that have come out on dvd and right now i am kind of sad. there is no more escape from my own life when i need it.
it is a good series and i cannot wait to start watching the fourth season that is out right now.
well enough about that, right now i am on a friends computer 6,877 feet in the air. not gonna lie it is a little cold up here but hey what can you do. tempe arizona is a pretty neat place although i like being in washington or cali better.
it si time for my indoor conference track meet and man am i nervous. they messed up the seeding for the 60 meter hurdles, my race, and used my 55 hurdle time so right now i am the fastest in the conference. that is nice and all but i have not run the 60 hurdles all year and i am a wee bit out of practice. so needless to say i am a little worrieed but that is ok because i will take this as a challenge and rise to the occasion but i am still a little nervous none the less.
well it is time to get on the bus.
so i have been on many dates this week, me, jennifer garner, and whatever i was eating at the time. it is phenomenal. but besides that, this has been the best thing for me. i find myself a lot less clam, well most of the time and a lot more focused. she is very good for me.
now this has been going on for a while, you know the affair that jennifer and i are having. whatever you do, please do not tell ben he might get a little jealous. hahaha
well anyways this is a good thing that i have found to help keep my mind off of life.
but other than that i have started to reconstruct my life from the ground up. this time it is all me and no one else. it feels good to do somethign for yourself all by yourself and know that you are the product of those actions and no one else. it is liberating.
friends are funny, i am finding that there are friends in the most unusual places and that there are those that i thought that i could trust, that i can no longer. some of them do not know it yet but most of them do. but for once in my life i have people there outside of my family that i can trust and know are there for me.
that is wonderful feeling. for once i am happy and it is nice.
this change is not because of a tv show but it makes me feel good.
who does that? not me honestly what is going on here?
and there i was just standing there not believing what was going on. people are interesting i must say, but they are always a constant form of amusment.
like the other day, i am sitting there talking with erica and one of her residents and it was a sunday. she made a stuipd comment and erica said that she was stupid in a joking way, but then the girl said only on wednesdays. who does that?
she does.
but no people are funny. i love them.
but i must say i am still addicted to alias, that is now 4 days and counting.
so there is this girl that i know and she sleeps over a lot. before you jump to any conclusions it is not in my bed, beut my roommate's. needless to say that she is one of the nicest people that i have ever met, but recently i have found a new reason to want to hang out with her.
she is absolutley hilarious.
like tonight for example, "i'm getting old, pay attention to me." well it is not as funny as being here when she was saying it, but the sheer fact that she is giving the roommate shit is awesome.
even cracking jokes about being lutheran is awesome, but she is a special girl that is funny as hell.
so i finished the whole third season of alias this weekend.
it is funny how something so little sometimes can make you feel so much better. i find myself wanting to watch the first two seasons even though i have already seen them. it is starting to become an addiction. but a good one.
whenever i need a little study break, there it is. just a 45 minute, no commercials interrupting all the good parts, break from reality. it is nice to get away every now and then and so i enjoyed it.
it is funny watching some of the things on that show reminds me that some of my problems, although they seem huge to me, are small little disturbances in the fabric of my life.
so can i deal with my life? i think that i can.
alias is my new addiction.
thank you
you are always there to listen to every problem that i have, whether it be big or small. you have no idea what that means to me, because there are very few who will do what you do, and it is amazing.
you have always been there to listen but even more importantly you were there to ask the one question i hate more than anything else, "what are you going to do about it?" i do not know, but knowing that you are there with me is the best feeling ever. because it allows me to feel that it is ok because there is someone with me.
in all actuality there are two of you. you have touched me in ways that i cannot explain and i am so grateful i do not know what i would do without you. you truly make me smile and i enjoy every minute spent talking with you.
it is because of you two that i can truly be happy and smile. i am carefree when i talk to you because i know that i will not be judged and i will be loved. that is a feeling that i have craved for a long time and it has taken me this moment to realize what i have.
everyday i thank God for you two, because without you i do not know where i would be or what i would be doing. you have supported me through everything and were always there to kick me in the right direction when i strayed from my path.
you two mean the world to me, and i love you for it.
from the bottom of my heart i say thank you and i love you.
mom, jon, you are awesome.
well i guess that there are a few people who think they know and they really do not. honestly people there are only three girls and five guys who really know me at this school and if you are one of them congrats.
but to all of the others out there, you do not know me. so do not pretend that you do. if you want to get to know then sit down and talk to me about the way i feel about things and stuff like that.
it is a funny thing though, all of the ones that think they know because they feel that i am easily read and that really is not the case. i do not open up to all and i lead you think what i want you to think.
i am a piece of work and you will realize if you get to know me. you should try it out sometime i think that you will like what you see.
so i have a messy room. and it is not my fault. it is really funny though because i am not the only one who is tired of it.
the last time that this room has been clean was about 4 weeks ago when i had the room to myself and i cleaned it. do you know what kind of mess does to a person.
granted when it comes to a whole house i might be a little more lax about it but man a 12'x16' room is a whole different story. his clothes were piled so high at one point that they almost came up to my waist. and i swear that every pair of shoes that he owned were on the floor, wait every pair of shoes were on the floor.
it was funny, there were clothes there for almost 3 weeks and you know since valentines day was coming up, his girlfriend did them for him. i could have kissed her right then and there.
granted i love my roommate, he is a good person, but i cannot stand this mess. i am going insane.
i think that about wraps it up for the complaining today. have a good one.
that is right. i was feeling a little upset, well really upset and so i decided to go shopping. now this is not like anyone else who goes shopping for clothes, nope i went shopping for food.
it was marvelous. i bought food, and a really big beer stein (me...drink...never), and a mixing bowl, and measuring cups, and a set of farberware knives, and cookie sheets and some other things too. it was grand.
then i went home and made me some dinner, wow it felt great to cook. just the release that i needed.
it is really funny because i am starting to get notorious around my floor that is am a great cook, and one of my brothers, ben, has this sixth sense and always seems to know. so when i am cooking he is always right there when i finish asking for some.
it always makes me smile, because of course i have learned to make anough for him because he will always be there. it is our little ritual now and it is quite amusing. at the same time it is nice because in a way i feel appreciated. he always has the biggest grin on his face when he asks me and if i torture him and make him wait he gets upset. so it makes me feel happy inside.
just the little pick-me-up i needed last week.
i wish that i could have known you, so that i could have loved you.
i wish that you could have known me, because to know me is to love me.
i want to be your friend and love you entirely.
i never got that chance and for that i am sorry.
i wish that i could see you, in your most vulnerable hours.
i wish that i was there to comfort you when you needed it most.
i want to be the one that you run to when you think there is no where else to go.
i never got the chance and for that i am sorry.
i wish that sing to you my favorite lullaby.
i wish that you could have heard it because that would give me joy.
i want to be the one who can always make you smile.
i never got the chance and for that i am sorry.
i wish that i could make time stand still, because i want to spend it all with you.
i wish that you could understand that i want to be with you.
i want to see that smile of yours, that always brightened my day.
i will never get the chance and for the i am sorry.
your smile meant the world to me, it made my heart want to soar.
your voice is the like sweetest song, that i have never heard before.
your eyes are like the clearest lake, and all i want to do was drown.
your touch was so very gentle, you could never bring me down.
your faith is undeniable, and made want it too.
a song was written that i cherish most, because i see God in you.
your slightest touch made me weak in the knees, i loved to touch your hand.
just the thought of being near you made me want to be a better man.
i wish i could have said this too you earlier.
i wish you could have heard.
i wanted things to be different but they are not.
i never took the chance when offered and for that i am sorry.
Sean: but it is funny is that i am normally the last person people think of as scary and intimidating
Sean: so it makes me laugh
Jon: yeah, but black people are always scary :-)
Sean: ugh you had to go there
Jon: naturally
Sean: that is only if i have my knife or gun out though
Sean: of course
Jon: but everyone knows that you people always have one
Sean: and when you are holding a candle and opening doors it is a little hard to have it out
Sean: especially in a suit
Jon: only if you're bad at being black
Sean: ok if you could be bad at bein black
Jon: man, i can do all that stuff without being black...i'm just that good
Sean: oh ok
Sean: or is it just that you have had to actually leave near black people now
Sean: live
Sean: not leave
Sean: and i will always be better
Sean: you can always aspire to be like me though
Sean: it is ok
Jon: haha...i've always been around black people. they seem to be drawn to me...probably cause i'm almost black myself
Sean: you keep telling yourself that and maybe one day it will come true
Sean: but right now it aint gone happen
Jon: haha
Jon: you keep thinking that and the next time you see me i may very well have corn rows just to prove you wrong
Sean: you gettin corn riws is one thing
Sean: but i wanna see you keep them
Sean: and then when you come out
Sean: make sure and have your rows done at least a week and a half b4 i see you
Jon: haha
Sean: then that will prove to me
Sean: and then i will fix them when you mess up
Jon: haha
Sean: cuz i know you will
wow he cracks me up.
monday-wake up, go to class on time, eat lunch, track practice, study, video games sleep. favorite moment...none.
tuesday-wake up late (no class till 12), print out notes and homework, class, lab, come late to practice, eat, shower, homework, study, movie, bed. favorite moment...convincing my chemistry teacher i am not crazy.
wednesday-wake up, miss a class because i did not set my alarm clock right, skip lunch, class, bio lab, practice, eat dinner, shower, play video games and watch a movie. favorite moment...pulling frog eggs apart.
thrusday-wake up, class, eat, track practice, lab, work and write on blog site. favorite moment...pulling my hamstring, no not really.
friday-wake up, go to class on time, eat lunch, study for a bit, go to track practice and do nothing since i just pulled my hamstring, shower, eat, study some more, got to be early. favorite moment..if it follows anythign like the rest of the week probably none.
saturday-wake up at 5 so i can get ready for the track meet that i will probably not be running in, sit down for 12 hours, ride in a bus for another 4, come home, paooibly party if i feel the need. favorite moment...watching everyone else do something that i love and i cannot.
sunday-wake up, do some homework, study, go to chapter, get breakfast somewhere in the middle of all that, more homework after chapter, dinner, CHURCH, movie and sleep. favorite moment..church.
yea i got this idea from here.
