and so it ends

well i have finished all of the episodes of alais that have come out on dvd and right now i am kind of sad. there is no more escape from my own life when i need it.

it is a good series and i cannot wait to start watching the fourth season that is out right now.

well enough about that, right now i am on a friends computer 6,877 feet in the air. not gonna lie it is a little cold up here but hey what can you do. tempe arizona is a pretty neat place although i like being in washington or cali better.

it si time for my indoor conference track meet and man am i nervous. they messed up the seeding for the 60 meter hurdles, my race, and used my 55 hurdle time so right now i am the fastest in the conference. that is nice and all but i have not run the 60 hurdles all year and i am a wee bit out of practice. so needless to say i am a little worrieed but that is ok because i will take this as a challenge and rise to the occasion but i am still a little nervous none the less.

well it is time to get on the bus.

the addiction continues

so i have been on many dates this week, me, jennifer garner, and whatever i was eating at the time. it is phenomenal. but besides that, this has been the best thing for me. i find myself a lot less clam, well most of the time and a lot more focused. she is very good for me.

now this has been going on for a while, you know the affair that jennifer and i are having. whatever you do, please do not tell ben he might get a little jealous. hahaha

well anyways this is a good thing that i have found to help keep my mind off of life.

but other than that i have started to reconstruct my life from the ground up. this time it is all me and no one else. it feels good to do somethign for yourself all by yourself and know that you are the product of those actions and no one else. it is liberating.

friends are funny, i am finding that there are friends in the most unusual places and that there are those that i thought that i could trust, that i can no longer. some of them do not know it yet but most of them do. but for once in my life i have people there outside of my family that i can trust and know are there for me.

that is wonderful feeling. for once i am happy and it is nice.

this change is not because of a tv show but it makes me feel good.

who does that? not me honestly what is going on here?

who does that? not me honestly what is going on here?

and there i was just standing there not believing what was going on. people are interesting i must say, but they are always a constant form of amusment.

like the other day, i am sitting there talking with erica and one of her residents and it was a sunday. she made a stuipd comment and erica said that she was stupid in a joking way, but then the girl said only on wednesdays. who does that?
she does.

but no people are funny. i love them.

but i must say i am still addicted to alias, that is now 4 days and counting.

so there is this girl

so there is this girl that i know and she sleeps over a lot. before you jump to any conclusions it is not in my bed, beut my roommate's. needless to say that she is one of the nicest people that i have ever met, but recently i have found a new reason to want to hang out with her.

she is absolutley hilarious.

like tonight for example, "i'm getting old, pay attention to me." well it is not as funny as being here when she was saying it, but the sheer fact that she is giving the roommate shit is awesome.

even cracking jokes about being lutheran is awesome, but she is a special girl that is funny as hell.

alias

so i finished the whole third season of alias this weekend.

it is funny how something so little sometimes can make you feel so much better. i find myself wanting to watch the first two seasons even though i have already seen them. it is starting to become an addiction. but a good one.

whenever i need a little study break, there it is. just a 45 minute, no commercials interrupting all the good parts, break from reality. it is nice to get away every now and then and so i enjoyed it.

it is funny watching some of the things on that show reminds me that some of my problems, although they seem huge to me, are small little disturbances in the fabric of my life.

so can i deal with my life? i think that i can.

alias is my new addiction.

thank you

thank you

you are always there to listen to every problem that i have, whether it be big or small. you have no idea what that means to me, because there are very few who will do what you do, and it is amazing.

you have always been there to listen but even more importantly you were there to ask the one question i hate more than anything else, "what are you going to do about it?" i do not know, but knowing that you are there with me is the best feeling ever. because it allows me to feel that it is ok because there is someone with me.

in all actuality there are two of you. you have touched me in ways that i cannot explain and i am so grateful i do not know what i would do without you. you truly make me smile and i enjoy every minute spent talking with you.

it is because of you two that i can truly be happy and smile. i am carefree when i talk to you because i know that i will not be judged and i will be loved. that is a feeling that i have craved for a long time and it has taken me this moment to realize what i have.

everyday i thank God for you two, because without you i do not know where i would be or what i would be doing. you have supported me through everything and were always there to kick me in the right direction when i strayed from my path.

you two mean the world to me, and i love you for it.

from the bottom of my heart i say thank you and i love you.

mom, jon, you are awesome.

people who do not know me

well i guess that there are a few people who think they know and they really do not. honestly people there are only three girls and five guys who really know me at this school and if you are one of them congrats.

but to all of the others out there, you do not know me. so do not pretend that you do. if you want to get to know then sit down and talk to me about the way i feel about things and stuff like that.

it is a funny thing though, all of the ones that think they know because they feel that i am easily read and that really is not the case. i do not open up to all and i lead you think what i want you to think.

i am a piece of work and you will realize if you get to know me. you should try it out sometime i think that you will like what you see.

messy rooms

so i have a messy room. and it is not my fault. it is really funny though because i am not the only one who is tired of it.

the last time that this room has been clean was about 4 weeks ago when i had the room to myself and i cleaned it. do you know what kind of mess does to a person.

granted when it comes to a whole house i might be a little more lax about it but man a 12'x16' room is a whole different story. his clothes were piled so high at one point that they almost came up to my waist. and i swear that every pair of shoes that he owned were on the floor, wait every pair of shoes were on the floor.

it was funny, there were clothes there for almost 3 weeks and you know since valentines day was coming up, his girlfriend did them for him. i could have kissed her right then and there.

granted i love my roommate, he is a good person, but i cannot stand this mess. i am going insane.

i think that about wraps it up for the complaining today. have a good one.

last week i went shopping

that is right. i was feeling a little upset, well really upset and so i decided to go shopping. now this is not like anyone else who goes shopping for clothes, nope i went shopping for food.

it was marvelous. i bought food, and a really big beer stein (me...drink...never), and a mixing bowl, and measuring cups, and a set of farberware knives, and cookie sheets and some other things too. it was grand.

then i went home and made me some dinner, wow it felt great to cook. just the release that i needed.

it is really funny because i am starting to get notorious around my floor that is am a great cook, and one of my brothers, ben, has this sixth sense and always seems to know. so when i am cooking he is always right there when i finish asking for some.

it always makes me smile, because of course i have learned to make anough for him because he will always be there. it is our little ritual now and it is quite amusing. at the same time it is nice because in a way i feel appreciated. he always has the biggest grin on his face when he asks me and if i torture him and make him wait he gets upset. so it makes me feel happy inside.

just the little pick-me-up i needed last week.

i wished, i wanted, i never

i wish that i could have known you, so that i could have loved you.
i wish that you could have known me, because to know me is to love me.
i want to be your friend and love you entirely.
i never got that chance and for that i am sorry.

i wish that i could see you, in your most vulnerable hours.
i wish that i was there to comfort you when you needed it most.
i want to be the one that you run to when you think there is no where else to go.
i never got the chance and for that i am sorry.

i wish that sing to you my favorite lullaby.
i wish that you could have heard it because that would give me joy.
i want to be the one who can always make you smile.
i never got the chance and for that i am sorry.

i wish that i could make time stand still, because i want to spend it all with you.
i wish that you could understand that i want to be with you.
i want to see that smile of yours, that always brightened my day.
i will never get the chance and for the i am sorry.

your smile meant the world to me, it made my heart want to soar.
your voice is the like sweetest song, that i have never heard before.
your eyes are like the clearest lake, and all i want to do was drown.
your touch was so very gentle, you could never bring me down.

your faith is undeniable, and made want it too.
a song was written that i cherish most, because i see God in you.
your slightest touch made me weak in the knees, i loved to touch your hand.
just the thought of being near you made me want to be a better man.

i wish i could have said this too you earlier.
i wish you could have heard.
i wanted things to be different but they are not.
i never took the chance when offered and for that i am sorry.

me and my big brother

Sean: but it is funny is that i am normally the last person people think of as scary and intimidating
Sean: so it makes me laugh
Jon: yeah, but black people are always scary :-)
Sean: ugh you had to go there
Jon: naturally
Sean: that is only if i have my knife or gun out though
Sean: of course
Jon: but everyone knows that you people always have one
Sean: and when you are holding a candle and opening doors it is a little hard to have it out
Sean: especially in a suit
Jon: only if you're bad at being black
Sean: ok if you could be bad at bein black
Jon: man, i can do all that stuff without being black...i'm just that good
Sean: oh ok
Sean: or is it just that you have had to actually leave near black people now
Sean: live
Sean: not leave
Sean: and i will always be better
Sean: you can always aspire to be like me though
Sean: it is ok
Jon: haha...i've always been around black people. they seem to be drawn to me...probably cause i'm almost black myself
Sean: you keep telling yourself that and maybe one day it will come true
Sean: but right now it aint gone happen
Jon: haha
Jon: you keep thinking that and the next time you see me i may very well have corn rows just to prove you wrong
Sean: you gettin corn riws is one thing
Sean: but i wanna see you keep them
Sean: and then when you come out
Sean: make sure and have your rows done at least a week and a half b4 i see you
Jon: haha
Sean: then that will prove to me
Sean: and then i will fix them when you mess up
Jon: haha
Sean: cuz i know you will

wow he cracks me up.