phobias part 2

and the list continues...

Agateophobia- Fear of insanity
Auroraphobia- Fear of Northern lights
Cenophobia or Centophobia- Fear of new things or ideas
Chaetophobia- Fear of hair
Chirophobia- Fear of hands
Cholerophobia- Fear of anger or the fear of cholera
Chronomentrophobia- Fear of clocks
Clinophobia- Fear of going to bed
Coprophobia- Fear of feces
Cypridophobia or Cypriphobia or Cyprianophobia or Cyprinophobia - Fear of prostitutes or venereal disease
Decidophobia- Fear of making decisions
Defecaloesiophobia- Fear of painful bowels movements
Dextrophobia- Fear of objects at the right side of the body
Electrophobia- Fear of electricity
Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers
Epistaxiophobia- Fear of nosebleeds
Epistemophobia- Fear of knowledge
Geliophobia- Fear of laughter
Geniophobia- Fear of chins

phobias part 1

outrageous phobias, there is nothing wrong with them, but i think that they are funny.

Agyrophobia- Fear of streets or crossing the street.
Alektorophobia- Fear of chickens.
Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.
Amnesiphobia- Fear of amnesia.
Amychophobia- Fear of scratches or being scratched.
Anablephobia- Fear of looking up.
Ancraophobia- Fear of wind. (Anemophobia)
Apeirophobia- Fear of infinity.
Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
Aulophobia- Fear of flutes.
Barophobia- Fear of gravity.
Botanophobia- Fear of plants.
Bromidrosiphobia or Bromidrophobia- Fear of body smells.
Cacophobia- Fear of ugliness.
Cathisophobia- Fear of sitting.
Carnophobia- Fear of meat.
Chronophobia- Fear of time.
Coprastasophobia- Fear of constipation.

angry

there are just days where i am mad at the world.

this is one of them. i wish it was not that way but hey what can you do? but now i have to deal with people. never a good thing.

well i am happy for all of those who good things are happening to, but that does not make my day any better.

for now i will just be mad.

go E!

Amazing that is what i like to hear...

twitch

i have had an eye twitch for the last two-and-a-half weeks and it is driving me insane.

does anyone know how to cure it?

being a good friend

You know what is really funny. Is the amount of attention that you get. It is ridiculous. But you never see it like that. All you see is I don't want to get hurt and you know what I am kinda getting sick of it. I love you to death E but you are the one acting like you are in jr high. You are the girl that just sits there and complains about all of the attention that you are getting. You are a pretty young lady, smart and funny. Occasionally you are charming and always fun to be around except when you are crazy.

I would rather be bitter about being hurt after letting myself fall for someone, than not ever being in a relationship. You are very lucky, well both of us are, and all we do is complain about all of the things that we find wrong with situations. We both over think things. Go with the flow. Is he hot? Are you attracted to him? How old is he? Are you two comfortable around each other? How well do you know him?

There are a lot of questions that he has going through his head like I am sure that you do. Guys will act like they are in jr high until they can figure out how you feel about things. If he is interested in you which it sounds like, especially because he wants to cook for you, you need to either give him the ok to pursue you or not. He doesn't know whether or not you are safe, so he isn't going to get burned especially because he will have to see you a lot and he doesn't want things to get awkward. It is better for a guy to just leave things alone then to mess up something like this. So he is playing safe. DON'T LISTEN TO OTHER PEOPLE! You know what comes out of that, nothing good. If you want to date him, DATE HIM.

Everyone is bitter about something, or has ulterior motives. Do not pay most people attention because they are here to cause you harm, or are self interested. They could want the guy for themselves or they might want your time. I don't know. But for someone who doesn't know you all that long or well it is harm for me to think that they are just doing that to be a friend. That is what dilullo, amberly and I are here for. They got offended then they are ok and keep on going.

The biggest thing that keeps you from moving on is m. You compare EVERYONE to him, or think that they will act like him. Well there are a whole bunch of guys in the world and a whole bunch of them don't act like that. You know that, oh yea and just so you know...you still love him too. Think about it...

But stop thinking, that is one of the worst things about women in general. They tend to over think situations which is a buzz kill for men and women look too far into conversations that way too. Overanalyzation kills relationships, guys hate it because we feel that you don't take anything we say for face value. If he likes you, he likes you. If you like him, you like him, simple as that. Listen to your heart it will never steer you wrong, but speak with both your mind and heart. If he makes you happy even if it for an instant that is all that matters, because being happy for a while and even getting hurt is much better than protecting yourself from being hurt so you can never truly be happy.

Do what you need to do to make yourself happy, and everything will work out.

pages of a diary

...knock knock KNOCK...

uuuuuugh, i get up and go to the door, and it is six in the morning. hello officer, why are you here?

move kid!

why, you wake me up and come into my room, and attempt to look through my things. i think the least you could do it give me an explanation.

we are here because someone reported that someone in this room is stealing playstations.

well i can tell you that it is not me. (wow do i sound drunk)

frank get up. i think the cops have something to talk to you about.

what do you want?

are you the one that people that has taken a playstation?

i don't know what you are talking about.

well one of the guys on your floor called and said that they think it was you that took their playstation, so we are going to look around.

officers can you please leave my things alone, there are some very expensive things in here and i would like that they all stay intact.

until we are satisfied that your roommate is not responsible, the both of your things do not matter to us.

well they start to go through all of my things. they find a bunch of white powder on the sink.

whose is this white powder?

it is mine i say.

are you aware that you are going to jail for posession?

it is migrane medicine look in the cabinet...can i go bed now?

yes we will be back to question both of you two later.

good-bye.

annoyed

i have been gone for about a year and she has cutoff contact with two that i thought that she was friends with. well now that i am back i have tlaked to them and now i know why she is no longer friends with them.

they are childish and immature. i find myself becomming annoyed with every converstaion that i have with them, and even if i stop talking, they respond anyway.

the topics are pointless and have no meaning. they are a complete waste of time. why me?

peter chianca

this is my new favorite site. this guy is hilarious.

addicting, possibly but for right now amusing. it is a nice little pick me up if you will.

dry, sarcastic humor for all of you who love that stuff and the bizarre things that you hear and think who does that, this is for you.

oh yea the link is on my sidebar.

cater 2 u

i heard this song for the first time on monday. well five days later that song is still in my head.

it is not that catchy of a song, but what it has to say is very interesting.

well i guess i look for a lot of those things from the person that i am dating. that is fine and all but the reason why that sticks so well for me si because that is the way i am when i fine someone worth that.

i do want to cater to them. but for the time beign i will let destiny's child cater to me.

change

today, i have been busy.

not just with work but with life. finally i have control, well in a matter of speaking, and in a long time i get to be happy. well that is if everything that i cannot control goes in my favor.

but all in all a change has occured today that is the best change i have ever made.

maybe i can smile again, and i mean REALLY smile. not the front that i put up all of the time. i think that would be the best thing of all.

to life, le hiem

to my feet

thank you

you are wonderful for being there, taking me whereever i want to go without complaint.

i can always relay on you. even when you are sore and do not want to go anywhere you still do and again i thank you. you let me dress you up all sorts of ways and you do not care.

even when i put on bows and lace(s). you are hard to get embarassed and what a wonderful thing. you are even a foot long. hahaha

but most importantly if it were not for you i could not be physically active. i would be sad without you.

thank you for the bottom of my heart,

sean

you thought...

you thought that you could take advantage of his feelings
you thought that you did not have to love him
you thought you did not have to include him...

he became doormat to everyone he meets
he never learned how to love himself
he always felt alone.

you thought that you could control him
you thought that he was weak
you thought that everything was ok...

he lost all control
he showed everyone how strong he was,
he brought a weapon to school and murdered 12 people and then killed himself.

now everything is not ok, lives are ruined and families are broken.
the only thing that he wanted was a friend in you.

a little attention goes a long way and a friend found this out the hard way.
it is not that hard, reach to someone, you never know whose life you might save.

(i was not involved in any way just so you do not think i did this)

candid conversation

sean- hey did you know that they (chair massages) are now moved to the second floor. betcha did not know that.
hahahaha

liz- i did, actually.

s- man i thought that i knew something you didn't. oh well i will try again later.

l- i know EVERYthing. no… that's a lie.

s- i was about to say FALSE! but, you beat me to it.

l- Bwah-ha!

s- did you really make that sound, cuz that would have been AWESOME

l- i did in my head… but i do out loud quite often.

s- well that is good, but i think that would have been funny if you did and it is completely silent down there too. do you have to meet up with his mom anymore today?

l- no more with his mom… though she's gonna call and we're gonna plan a lunch with my parents.

s- well that it really nice.

l- yeah, i guess.

s- why do you say it like that? this way they will get to know you as madame G, mistress G, sister G, hood rat G, frugal G, bald G (that is cuz I am gonna shave your head hahahaha), pregnant G (you better not be), whatever G, you want maybe even Liz G.

l- hood rat? sister? mistress? NO! BALD?! NO!
PREGNANT??? HELL NO!
:) liz is fine.

s- i am kind of partial to hood rat, sister implies nun, mistress i could see you as one, bald of COURSE BALD.
glad to hear it, well just at least for right now, you WILL get knocked up later though.
yea liz is good, but it is fun to attach surnames before it.

l- why are you partial to hood rat? sister? nonono. mistress… well, you gotta point.
bald. nonono. and knocked up? NONONO.

s- no i just like calling people hood rats, i am not saying you are.
sister, well every girl has a good side to her, even you.
yea you know you would be a good mistress.
bald, yea yea yea
knocked up, OH YEA! for someone who hates children i have a feeling you will have a couple.

l- CRAP. you're gonna jinx me.

s- that is the point. i WANT you to have kids. you would love it.

l- ewww. grody.

s- they are not grody, you know that. only cleaning up poop is grody.

l- they ARE grody.

s- well then I hope you have 6 children. that are all just like you.

l- how many are you gonna have?

s- 2 maybe 3, it is funny i have chosen a name for one, and my friend named her child my name and we have never talked about it.

l- that happened to my parents. my brother was supposed to be jonathan michael but my uncle stole it… so my brother is jason andrew. and that same uncle… his daughter, my cousin april… stole the song I wanted to play at my wedding when I walk down the aisle.

s- what was the song?

l- "goin' to the chapel and we're gonna get married…"

s- you WOULD walk down the aisle with that song playing.
the name was micah anthony.

l- i knew a girl named micah.

s- yea the girl who took that name, that is her sister's name.
hey go to the newest link on my website you will LOVE it.

l- i will in a minute… tryin' to get something done.


do you see all of the exclamation points? fred would kill me and liz.

dripping all over

cool, refreshing water cascading off of the side of a rocky cliff, with trees surrounding it. creating a beautiful landscape that can only be fathomed by the imagination. i am just letting the water pour all over my head, while i take in the smells, and sounds. it is beautiful. fish swimming at my feet tickling them, bird all around singing, and animals drinking from the crystal clear water.

then i woke from my day dream in the shower because the water was getting cold. many days start out like that, the shower is my escape, until the cold water brings me back.

it is funny like that how something so mundane can be a daily vacation, keeping everything in you calm and relaxed. i am in dire need of a vacation, i guess i will take a shower after work.

postsecret

so i decided to go to this postsecret blog on blogger. well needless to say it was pretty cool.

pooping

is one of my favorites.

jessica simpson

is also a great one.

but more than that this site is awesome for it is just that anonymous secrets.

some like the ones that i have are quriky and funny, but others are very serious, but raw emotion like that is incredible.

i am addicted to it, well at least unitl i finish reading all fo them. see them yourself.

the link is on the sidebar.

boredome

capricorn, aquraius, pises, aries, tuarus, gemini, cancer OH
leo, virgo, libra, scorpio, sagitarius, i love all yall.

and that is how bored i am right now. nothing to do. i want to fall asleep, but i know if i do i will get into trouble.

what am i doing. someone please save me, SOON. i am even using capital letter today. that is how bad it is.

since i can harldy see the screen, so i am typing with my eyes closed. it is a lot harder than i initially thought.

stupid questions

ok so everyone has heard there are no such things as stupid question. well ibeg to differ there are stupid questions, but why the person asked the question is not stupid.

like one of my favorites that i have asked was this:

on the crystal geyser label it says "bottled at the source, crystal geyser, natural spring water, BY CG ROXANE"

who is cg roxane, and did they make the water, because if they did then it is not natural, and if they did not what why is their name on the label?

ok not gonna lie a stupid question but i love to ask it anyways.

yesterday it rained

yesterday it rained, and the day before, and the day before that one too. it is supposed to rain today also.

man this is a lot of rain.

i cannot even go out and play in it, and i cannot curl up on my couch cushion and watch a movie or read a book.

what is it about rain that is just so great. i love it, watching it, listening to it, the way everything is after it, the smell of the air before it.

such a great thing rain is. well until it causes a flood and then the fire claims get really busy and no one wants that. (ok inside joke). laugh you know you want to.

back to the rain.

why?

ok so funny story. (well at least i thought that it was)

a woman at a club was dancing with a young man, and another woman came up to them and started to dance with him. this preceeded to make the first and shorter girl angry.

these two started to fight over this man, getting louder and louder. a circle clears for them becuase everyone thought that they were going to fight. before the fight could get started the shroter one took off her heels and hit the taller one in the eye with the back of her shoe.

moral of the story: do not get into a fight at a club with a short woman in heels over a man.

what is your thing

so we have decided that everyone has a thing. what is yours? i guess i should be a little more clear when i say that we decided. we is my biology class.

one day we were talking about one girls culy hair which is her thing and that is what i said. well that started a brand new conversation about things.

i guess that mine is my smile and goofy personality (insert sound-effects here). wink

but some people were sad when they could not think about their thing and no one could tell them that they had one. i guess that is a good thing when there is something that you have that noone else does or that makes you stand out.

so what is your thing?

i miss...again

i miss so much right now.

the free time that you had when you got out of school for the summer.
being able to wake up whenever you want.
being lazy.
being active.
doing what i want when i want.
watching movies all day.
running fast.
eating a whole lot of food (i do not eat as much anymore)
going out with close friends (but that will change soon)
taking long showers.
driving my car.
my bobo
doing something stupid and laughing about it.
eating summer fruit (they have not all become available yet)
potato salad
parties
cooking
peach cobbler (well just mine)

well i think that is all for the time being.

like a good neighbor

you know the rest. and if you do not then i am sorry for you.

yup ladies and gentlemen that is where i am working this summer. i think that it will be a fun experience since i really do not know seeing as i have only been here two days so far.

one things is nice is that i can see some of the people that i worked with last year and see how they are doing.

auto underwiting is where i am right now, and it is not as bad as i thought it would be. but now it is back to work seeing as that is what i am getting paid for. hahahaha

being the DD

 

being a designated driver is a great thing but sometimes i hate doing it. like when this picture was taken. i was toting people all around all night, and the only source of entertainment was what happened when i had to drop someone off.

they (the drunk ones) got a hold of my camera and started taking random pictures of each other. and what you see is a result of that.

it is hilarious because she is completely smashed and is really not like that, and that i know if i was there that would never had happened. so i it interesting to see people when the do stuff like this and do not know that others will remember and see what they are doing the next day.

needless to say she got a kick out of seeing it. and so will everyone who knows her and this site.

you could cut it with a knife

that is right i am talking about stress. it is that thick around here right now. end of the year stuff is going on so you know we are all studying like crazy and trying to get out of here and all the madness.

time for all nighters, adarol for some, migranes for me, stress for all, great parties, saying godd-bye to those graduating, finding places to live next year, and all of that good stuff.

well needless to say i am quite ready to blow this popsicle stand. but that is right i come back for one more year, and then that is right the REAL world. i do not think that i am ready for that yet but we will find out in about 12 months now will we.

ha that is not that long of a time for me. it is interesting, this is a big year for me. turning 21, starting my senior year in the fall, graduating in the spring, living on my own...wow where does the time go.

i remember when i was little and would listen to "the mistletoe jam" by luther vandross at christmas and just have myself a grand old time just being little. man i wish i could still do that. oh well enough about that. time to get back to the books.

the incurable stomachache

so i have had the worst stomachache of my life for the past three months.

ok it is not like i have had it all three months but at least 4 days a week for the past three months i have had really really severe ones. some times i just think it is because of natural reasons, but now i am starting to question that.

i really am not a big fan of these and it is like having a migrane minus the head pain. so with that said i am gonna try and sleep it off or something.

hmmm

so this has been a very interesting weekend. i went to marquette for a big party, it was a blast. drove back for a brotherhood event with some great competition, lost on sat. and sun got a whole bunch of stuff done.

then i went to church, which was excellent, i thouroughly enjoyed it. understood a physics problem that i had no clue what to do before church, so i will blame him for that one.

and didn't get to bed til four getting more work done. got up and missed a class.

went to a party before my second class, it was really fun and i saw people that i would have never expected to see there. went to class and have my own personal summer while almost everyone is buzzed and the teacher is crackin jokes left and right which actually really funny.

got out of there met with a friend to finish a test re-work. watched a movie with three really hot ladies in it while and folded my laundry. and then finished a paper. wow i am AWESOME. i wish i had fun like this all of the time because i am still being a great student and gettin work done too.

i'm LOVIN life right now!!!! (fred those were for you)

yea a new song

so i have found a new song in spanish to fall in love with. the last one was, hoy es adios, and you could find me singing it everywhere and it was great i loved what it had to say and still do for that most part. but now i have found that is just as good and i have not heard before, well that is a lie, i have not heard in a long time.

it is by carlos ponce and i think i am gonna take some time and check this artist out, he might be worth getting a cd. but for the time being i will just listen to the song. oh if you were wondering what the song is it is called, llevame contigo.

oh and here are the words for all of you spanish buffs (or just for people who know how to speak the language).

tiene tu sonrisa un quien sabe
un no sé que, un qué sé yo
que me está volviendo loco
tiene tu mirada un puede ser
un tal vez o a lo mejor
que no logro descifrar
soy un habitante de la calle
no le debo nada a nadie
y lo poco que me queda es para ti

llévame contigo
a un lugar prohibido
llévame contigo al rincón de tu querer
ponme de castigo
hazme lo indebido
que no voy a resistir mira que no puedo estar sin ti

tienes un encanto, un hechizo
un maldito maleficio
que me tiene hipnotizado
llevas mi tortura en la cintura
y este mal no tiene cura
no quiero morir tentado
soy un habitante de la calle
no le debo nada a nadie
y lo poco que me queda es para ti

llévame contigo
a un lugar prohibido
llévame contigo al rincón de tu querer
ponme de castigo
hazme lo indebido
que no voy a resistir mira que no puedo estar sin ti (repite)
estar sin ti

voy cayendo lentamente en tu cautivador
alucinógeno
voy probando sin remedio un híbrido sabor
de caramelo amargo y dulces sueños
de dulces sueños

llévame contigo
a un lugar prohibido
llévame contigo al rincón de tu querer
ponme de castigo
hazme lo indebido
que no voy a resistir no lo voy a resistir

llevame llevame
a un lugar un lugar
donde puedo hacerte bien o mal
ponme de castigo
hazme lo lo que quiera
cuando quieras.
mira que no puedo estar sin ti

llévame contigo
a un lugar prohibido
llévame contigo al rincón de tu querer
Oh
ponme de castigo
hazme lo indebido
que no puedo estar sin ti

karma

weren't you the one who said that you didn't want me anymore. and how you need the space and give the key back to your door. and how i cried and tried and tried to make you stay with me. still you said that love was gone and that i had to leave. now you, are talking about a family. now you, sayin i complete your dreams. now you, sayin i'm your everything. you're confusing me, what you say to me, don't play with me. don't play with me.

what comes around, goes around. what goes up must come down. now who's cryin, desiring to come back to me. what goes around, comes around. what goes up must come down. now who's crying, desiring to come back.

i remember sittin home all alone. waitin for you, till three o'clock in the morn.

and when you came home, you'd always have some sorry excuse. and explainin to me, like I'm just some kinda fool. i sacrifice the things i want to and do things for you. but when it's time to do for me, you never come through. now you, wanna be a bond of me. now you, have so much to say to me. now you, wanna make time for me
what you do to me. you're confusin me. don't play with me. don't play with me.

cause what goes around, comes around. what goes up, must come down. wow who's cryin, desirin to come back to me. what goes around, comes around. what goes up, must come down. now who's cryin, desirin to come back.

i remember sittin home all alone. waitin for you, till three o'clock in the morn.

night after night, knowin sumthing goin on. wasn't home before me you was, you was gone. lord knows it wasn't easy, but believe me. never thought you'd be the one that would deceived me. and never do what u was supposed to do. no need to hose me fool, cause i'm over you.

cause what goes around, comes around. what goes up, must come down. wow who's cryin, desirin to come back to me. what goes around, comes around. what goes up, must come down. now who's cryin, desirin to come back.

am i really done?

wow, i think for the first time in a long time i am relieved with a decision that i made concerning leaving something. it is the first time that i have not finished something all the way through, but you know what, it is ok.

i have decided to leave track and field while i am still attending valpo. i have had my share of good times and bad times, more often bad then good, but hey life is not always ideal. it was more a decision based on my role as a student-athlete. i am a student first and then an athlete and as much as my coach said that he really did not believe that.

planning my schooling around track and field is a hard thing for me because all of my courses are lab courses and are anywhere between 3-5 hours in some cases. naturally i will have times when i cannot make it to practice and that was always a cause for stress.

as i have gotten older the demands of my major have become greater and greater and this means that i have to devote more time to it than any other thing because that is the reason i am here.

track has always been something that i have loved and i am sure that i will keep on running well after i graduate, but for right now it is my job to concentrate on graduating, doing well in the MCAT, getting into medical school, and finding a job. only after i have my life in order i can play. that is something that my coach does not realize needs to happen for me to be happy.

he can always find another runner, but i cannot waste my time, and in a sense that is what i think that i am doing. it was fun (or not) while it lasted but i think that it is time for me to bow out and focus on things that are a little more important, like my future.

There he is...

 

so this is the first time that i think i have put my roommate on this website, well a picture that is. oh yea he is the one in the spartan cheerleader outfit.

yes this is halloween up in Milwalkee so do not get any ideas. hahahaha. ahh the memories that we have created, watching him rearrange other borhter's rooms, playin halo, watching tv at odd hours of the night, ramen, driving to random places, runs to fast food joints in the middle of the night cuz we are hungry, dunes, beirut champs... you get the idea.

this is the fuirst year i had a good roommate, the last two very interesting but oh well what can you do?

wow it is really hot in here they need to turn back on the air.

and we don't do this...

so i am just chillin at a party the night before formal and all of a sudden this girl just comes out of no where. she walks down the stairs and them grabs a trash can and you guessed it, proceeds to vomit all up in there.

so my friend sara walks down the stairs and over to the girl and this is what she says...

did you just come in here and vomit? well it stinks and we just don't do that here...

cue dellay - "so you will have to leave"

cue scott - "so what did this girl do, just walk in here, vomit, and leave? who does that?"

what is up with drunk people?

when you cross the line

there is a time and a place for everything. and there are things that you should and should not say. if you feel the need to say things that you should not know this be aware of the consequences.

it is rude and inconsiderate of you to do something like that, even if you think that it is a joke. to take advantage of someone's feelings to make someone else laugh is a disgusting thing to do which makes me sick.

how can you call yourself a brother? you say that you uphold a certain set of values and morals, but it is ok whenever you feel like laughing to make others uncomfortable. is that right? do you talk to the person before? do you consider where they are comeing from and why they might be hurt? do you understand them and their life?

if you do not think about things like that not only do you endanger your relationship with someone, you you make yourself look like an ass. this goes doubly for those who understand why the other person feels that way.

know that it is not your place to say things like that and do not say them. irreperable damage is done with words like that. if nothing else do it because there is a certain level of respect that should be given to each brother and do not put them through that. it is an intentional attempt to hurt someone, and does nothing but cause problems with people later.

everyone has a sore spot that gets pushed more often than it should. realize this and know that there are some things that should never be brought up, and others that might be good only if you do it at the right time. tonight was not one of them and it was extremely hurtful. no one likes to feel that they are under attack, and others have to defend themselves from the outside world too. more so than others in some peoples cases. understand that, and realize that they do not need that from someone who is supposed to be bound together in frendship and love. you know the rest, i do not need to write it.

where does she get this from?

when i get old and decrepid, like 95. (and she is 71 now)

ill have one foot on the banana peel and one in the grave.

where does she get this stuff from? i love her so much, she is a hoot. what would i do without her. she means the world to me and cracks me up.

oh by the way, this is my grandma.

hopeless romantic

"the chemistry between us i can't explain, i love to hear you call my name."

"how do i say hello? i just wanna talk to you. how do i say your beautiful? when i can't take my eyes off you. i don't wanna say the wrong thing, i wanna use the right words to impress you. my baby"

"mil mien palabras bastaran. yo necesito mucho mas. entregate esta vez y asi sere feliz. mis besos nuncan cansaran. para socearme, ser de amar. dame la enternidad. dame tu amor sin fin."

"pero el tiempo pasó. no preguntes porque, Él ya no regresó a nuestro hogar. la frontera marcó su destino final. y a mis brazos jamás volvió.
hoy es adios, mañana quizás, sé que tu vas a volver. hoy es adios, mañana quizás, no hay fronteras en nuestro querer."

"i know that your hiding things, using gentle words to shelter me. your words were like a dream. but dreams ould never fool me, not that easily.
i acted so distant then. didn't say good-bye before you left. but i was listening. you fight your battles far from me, far too easily.
save your tears cuz ill come back i could hear that you whispered, as you walked through that door. but still i swore to hide the pain as i turned back the pages. shouting might have been the answer. what if i cried my eyes out and begged you not to depart?

but now i am not afraid to say what is in my heart.

1000 words have never been spoken, will fly to you pressing over the time. and distance holding you suspended on silver wings. and 1000 words, 1000 confessions, will cradle you. making all of the pain you feel seem far away. they'll hold you forever.

the dream isn't over yet, though i often say i can't forget. i still relive that day.
you've been there with me all the way, i still hear you say.
wait for me i'll write you letters, i could see how you stammered with you eyes to the floor. but still i swore to hide the doubt when i turned back the pages. anger might have been the answer, what if i hung my head and said that i couldn't wait.

but now im strong enough to know it's not too late.

1000 call out through the ages, they'll fly to you even though we can't see. i know they're reaching you, suspended on silver wings. 1000 words, 1000 embraces, will cradle you, making all of your weariness seem far away. they'll hold you forever.

1000 words, have never been spoken, they'll fly to you. they'll carry you home, and back into my arms, suspended on silver wings. 1000 words call out through the ages, they'll cradle you, turning all of the lonely years, to only days. they'll hold you forever."

tummy

my tummy hurts, really badly. i wish someone would come over and take care of me. i love it when that happens. but i am really not feeling well right now.

rain

i love it when it rains. i love going for walks when it is pouring down rain, it is so relaxing. i do not know if it is because i live in washington when i am not at school, or is it because i just like rain. possibly both. but there is nothing better than strolling around when it is pouring just thinking about the day, how pretty everything is and thinking about life in general.

it is peaceful, there is no thunder or lightning so every thing is just still. it is not quiet like snow, sun causes people to come out and play wich is a good thing and then burn, cold is blistering, heat is sweltering, humidity is sticky, and dryness is really, really bad for my skin.

i love the rain, especially warm rain.

you can take a srtoll in it.
you can sing in it.
it makes for great jumping puddles when it is done.
it creates a pleasent sound when hitting your window/house.
i can use my windshield wipers.
it is relaxing.
it is life.
it makes the groud all muddy.
you can smell when it is coming.
it makes old peoples joints ache, and some young ones too.
it calms the mind and the body.
it waters the grass.
it gets your car dirty, or in nikki's case sometimes fills up your car with water (it is ture i have seen it happen).
and according to zoolander, moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty, and that is right, water is moisture.

so like is said rain is awesome and i wish it would rain right now so i can take a walk in it. oh wait do i see a cloud?

hallow-what?

i know this is strange to see men dressed up like women. no none of these guys are gay but it is funny none-the-less. 

i mean honestly, this pic was taken on halloween so what do you expect. i guess the only thing i have to say wow, they do not make attractive women. hahahaha.

i am getting addicted to posting pictures on my blogsite. it is fun and now you get to see just a little of what was going on this year. do not worry, that is about the worst picture that you will ever see. but i was just looking through all of my pics and thought it was really funny.

but anyways i am sad that one of my links has to go away, she is moving on and i do not know when the next site will be up or what it will be, so look for the updated site.

well off to class.

man in the iron mask?

nope, but it sure is funny as hell. see what college kids do in their free time and sometimes it is not free. well what can you do sometimes that is just the way it is.

without anything else to do we resort to entertaining ourselves. and see this is what happens. 

but lets not kid ourselves, we are adults according to society, so all this is is a mature way to express ourselves. what who am i kidding. no but seriously we want to be treated as adults. what? who does that?

well lets see what happens in the future.

did you see that

i did it. my very first picture on my website. it took long enough since all of the previos attempts failed and i was sad.

i cannot express the jubilation that i am feeling righ tnow, just let me tell you it is great none-the-less. i have found something else to keep myself occupied, posting pics. hahaha how great is that.

yes jon i am easily amused

so there is this girl...continued

yea that is the girl that i was talkin about. 

a new craze is sweeping valpo

and it is called the face book.

this little site lets you create a profile, and then with that you can search everyone that has a profile that is attending any one of the schools that this thing is connected to.

there are a whole bunch, you can add these people as frineds, find old ones from high school, make new ones. then you can send them messages, get their screen names and all that other good stuff, just to make the world even smaller.

well i guess it is nice and all but that is all everyone here is talking about. there are plenty of other things going on right now but this is the buzz around the school.

it is a nice little piece of software that lets you keep in touch but honestly i do not see why it is so addicting. almost everyone i have as my friends are either on my buddy list, in my phone, live down the hall, or i see more than three times a week. so why?

the ones that go to other schools, those are nice. but man i do not understand the craze.

well maybe one of these days i will get it, but i am thinking no that is not the case.

10 days later

i write again. i have just finished my spring break and now i am back in the routine. i guess it could be much worse but right now i feel a little bit better than when i left and that is a good thing.

like i wrote before i ran into an old friend who i have not seen in two years. that was very nice.

then when i went down to my fraternity house at UPS i ran into another old friend which i had not seen in three years and the funny thing is that we never thought that we would be in the same fraternity because we are so different. it is funny the way things turn out.

that was a great weekend i met some awesome sigs and some are coming to visit me on their way to grand chapter. how awesome is that? but not gonna lie that party was awesome. i have not had so much fun in a long time and it was nice being anonymous.

then i met up with liz and jenn a long overdue meeting. it was nice to catch up on all of the things that we have been doing, that we did not say on email. and chocolate lasagna is really good.

he just died...

so my friend just died in brazil. well not really cuz i just got done talking to him earlier today.

he was on a mission trip for two years and it sounded like he had a blast. it is funny seeing someone after that long and seeing how much you change, and yet how so much of you has stayed the same.

talking with him and listening to him talk gave me perspective on a lot of things, and it was very nice and refreshing. it is nice that i can always have a deep converstaion with him and also shoot the shit (pardon my french). but when i left i was happier and a little more energized and that is a good thing.

i stopped by to see liz today and she was not there and i was sad. so i left and went home.

i cannot wait to see her and jen. hey maybe i will bring josh along one if these days and they can meet him. i think that they would like him, since we all have about the same taste in friends.

oh and josh this is for you

"how do you kill a purple elephant? with a purple elephant gun. so then how do you kill a pink one? you hold it's trunk until it is purple and then shoot it with the purple elephant gun."

what is wrong with me? i do not know but man is it awesome.

and so it ends

well i have finished all of the episodes of alais that have come out on dvd and right now i am kind of sad. there is no more escape from my own life when i need it.

it is a good series and i cannot wait to start watching the fourth season that is out right now.

well enough about that, right now i am on a friends computer 6,877 feet in the air. not gonna lie it is a little cold up here but hey what can you do. tempe arizona is a pretty neat place although i like being in washington or cali better.

it si time for my indoor conference track meet and man am i nervous. they messed up the seeding for the 60 meter hurdles, my race, and used my 55 hurdle time so right now i am the fastest in the conference. that is nice and all but i have not run the 60 hurdles all year and i am a wee bit out of practice. so needless to say i am a little worrieed but that is ok because i will take this as a challenge and rise to the occasion but i am still a little nervous none the less.

well it is time to get on the bus.

the addiction continues

so i have been on many dates this week, me, jennifer garner, and whatever i was eating at the time. it is phenomenal. but besides that, this has been the best thing for me. i find myself a lot less clam, well most of the time and a lot more focused. she is very good for me.

now this has been going on for a while, you know the affair that jennifer and i are having. whatever you do, please do not tell ben he might get a little jealous. hahaha

well anyways this is a good thing that i have found to help keep my mind off of life.

but other than that i have started to reconstruct my life from the ground up. this time it is all me and no one else. it feels good to do somethign for yourself all by yourself and know that you are the product of those actions and no one else. it is liberating.

friends are funny, i am finding that there are friends in the most unusual places and that there are those that i thought that i could trust, that i can no longer. some of them do not know it yet but most of them do. but for once in my life i have people there outside of my family that i can trust and know are there for me.

that is wonderful feeling. for once i am happy and it is nice.

this change is not because of a tv show but it makes me feel good.

who does that? not me honestly what is going on here?

who does that? not me honestly what is going on here?

and there i was just standing there not believing what was going on. people are interesting i must say, but they are always a constant form of amusment.

like the other day, i am sitting there talking with erica and one of her residents and it was a sunday. she made a stuipd comment and erica said that she was stupid in a joking way, but then the girl said only on wednesdays. who does that?
she does.

but no people are funny. i love them.

but i must say i am still addicted to alias, that is now 4 days and counting.

so there is this girl

so there is this girl that i know and she sleeps over a lot. before you jump to any conclusions it is not in my bed, beut my roommate's. needless to say that she is one of the nicest people that i have ever met, but recently i have found a new reason to want to hang out with her.

she is absolutley hilarious.

like tonight for example, "i'm getting old, pay attention to me." well it is not as funny as being here when she was saying it, but the sheer fact that she is giving the roommate shit is awesome.

even cracking jokes about being lutheran is awesome, but she is a special girl that is funny as hell.

alias

so i finished the whole third season of alias this weekend.

it is funny how something so little sometimes can make you feel so much better. i find myself wanting to watch the first two seasons even though i have already seen them. it is starting to become an addiction. but a good one.

whenever i need a little study break, there it is. just a 45 minute, no commercials interrupting all the good parts, break from reality. it is nice to get away every now and then and so i enjoyed it.

it is funny watching some of the things on that show reminds me that some of my problems, although they seem huge to me, are small little disturbances in the fabric of my life.

so can i deal with my life? i think that i can.

alias is my new addiction.

thank you

thank you

you are always there to listen to every problem that i have, whether it be big or small. you have no idea what that means to me, because there are very few who will do what you do, and it is amazing.

you have always been there to listen but even more importantly you were there to ask the one question i hate more than anything else, "what are you going to do about it?" i do not know, but knowing that you are there with me is the best feeling ever. because it allows me to feel that it is ok because there is someone with me.

in all actuality there are two of you. you have touched me in ways that i cannot explain and i am so grateful i do not know what i would do without you. you truly make me smile and i enjoy every minute spent talking with you.

it is because of you two that i can truly be happy and smile. i am carefree when i talk to you because i know that i will not be judged and i will be loved. that is a feeling that i have craved for a long time and it has taken me this moment to realize what i have.

everyday i thank God for you two, because without you i do not know where i would be or what i would be doing. you have supported me through everything and were always there to kick me in the right direction when i strayed from my path.

you two mean the world to me, and i love you for it.

from the bottom of my heart i say thank you and i love you.

mom, jon, you are awesome.

people who do not know me

well i guess that there are a few people who think they know and they really do not. honestly people there are only three girls and five guys who really know me at this school and if you are one of them congrats.

but to all of the others out there, you do not know me. so do not pretend that you do. if you want to get to know then sit down and talk to me about the way i feel about things and stuff like that.

it is a funny thing though, all of the ones that think they know because they feel that i am easily read and that really is not the case. i do not open up to all and i lead you think what i want you to think.

i am a piece of work and you will realize if you get to know me. you should try it out sometime i think that you will like what you see.

messy rooms

so i have a messy room. and it is not my fault. it is really funny though because i am not the only one who is tired of it.

the last time that this room has been clean was about 4 weeks ago when i had the room to myself and i cleaned it. do you know what kind of mess does to a person.

granted when it comes to a whole house i might be a little more lax about it but man a 12'x16' room is a whole different story. his clothes were piled so high at one point that they almost came up to my waist. and i swear that every pair of shoes that he owned were on the floor, wait every pair of shoes were on the floor.

it was funny, there were clothes there for almost 3 weeks and you know since valentines day was coming up, his girlfriend did them for him. i could have kissed her right then and there.

granted i love my roommate, he is a good person, but i cannot stand this mess. i am going insane.

i think that about wraps it up for the complaining today. have a good one.

last week i went shopping

that is right. i was feeling a little upset, well really upset and so i decided to go shopping. now this is not like anyone else who goes shopping for clothes, nope i went shopping for food.

it was marvelous. i bought food, and a really big beer stein (me...drink...never), and a mixing bowl, and measuring cups, and a set of farberware knives, and cookie sheets and some other things too. it was grand.

then i went home and made me some dinner, wow it felt great to cook. just the release that i needed.

it is really funny because i am starting to get notorious around my floor that is am a great cook, and one of my brothers, ben, has this sixth sense and always seems to know. so when i am cooking he is always right there when i finish asking for some.

it always makes me smile, because of course i have learned to make anough for him because he will always be there. it is our little ritual now and it is quite amusing. at the same time it is nice because in a way i feel appreciated. he always has the biggest grin on his face when he asks me and if i torture him and make him wait he gets upset. so it makes me feel happy inside.

just the little pick-me-up i needed last week.

i wished, i wanted, i never

i wish that i could have known you, so that i could have loved you.
i wish that you could have known me, because to know me is to love me.
i want to be your friend and love you entirely.
i never got that chance and for that i am sorry.

i wish that i could see you, in your most vulnerable hours.
i wish that i was there to comfort you when you needed it most.
i want to be the one that you run to when you think there is no where else to go.
i never got the chance and for that i am sorry.

i wish that sing to you my favorite lullaby.
i wish that you could have heard it because that would give me joy.
i want to be the one who can always make you smile.
i never got the chance and for that i am sorry.

i wish that i could make time stand still, because i want to spend it all with you.
i wish that you could understand that i want to be with you.
i want to see that smile of yours, that always brightened my day.
i will never get the chance and for the i am sorry.

your smile meant the world to me, it made my heart want to soar.
your voice is the like sweetest song, that i have never heard before.
your eyes are like the clearest lake, and all i want to do was drown.
your touch was so very gentle, you could never bring me down.

your faith is undeniable, and made want it too.
a song was written that i cherish most, because i see God in you.
your slightest touch made me weak in the knees, i loved to touch your hand.
just the thought of being near you made me want to be a better man.

i wish i could have said this too you earlier.
i wish you could have heard.
i wanted things to be different but they are not.
i never took the chance when offered and for that i am sorry.

me and my big brother

Sean: but it is funny is that i am normally the last person people think of as scary and intimidating
Sean: so it makes me laugh
Jon: yeah, but black people are always scary :-)
Sean: ugh you had to go there
Jon: naturally
Sean: that is only if i have my knife or gun out though
Sean: of course
Jon: but everyone knows that you people always have one
Sean: and when you are holding a candle and opening doors it is a little hard to have it out
Sean: especially in a suit
Jon: only if you're bad at being black
Sean: ok if you could be bad at bein black
Jon: man, i can do all that stuff without being black...i'm just that good
Sean: oh ok
Sean: or is it just that you have had to actually leave near black people now
Sean: live
Sean: not leave
Sean: and i will always be better
Sean: you can always aspire to be like me though
Sean: it is ok
Jon: haha...i've always been around black people. they seem to be drawn to me...probably cause i'm almost black myself
Sean: you keep telling yourself that and maybe one day it will come true
Sean: but right now it aint gone happen
Jon: haha
Jon: you keep thinking that and the next time you see me i may very well have corn rows just to prove you wrong
Sean: you gettin corn riws is one thing
Sean: but i wanna see you keep them
Sean: and then when you come out
Sean: make sure and have your rows done at least a week and a half b4 i see you
Jon: haha
Sean: then that will prove to me
Sean: and then i will fix them when you mess up
Jon: haha
Sean: cuz i know you will

wow he cracks me up.

life of a junior college student

monday-wake up, go to class on time, eat lunch, track practice, study, video games sleep. favorite moment...none.

tuesday-wake up late (no class till 12), print out notes and homework, class, lab, come late to practice, eat, shower, homework, study, movie, bed. favorite moment...convincing my chemistry teacher i am not crazy.

wednesday-wake up, miss a class because i did not set my alarm clock right, skip lunch, class, bio lab, practice, eat dinner, shower, play video games and watch a movie. favorite moment...pulling frog eggs apart.

thrusday-wake up, class, eat, track practice, lab, work and write on blog site. favorite moment...pulling my hamstring, no not really.

friday-wake up, go to class on time, eat lunch, study for a bit, go to track practice and do nothing since i just pulled my hamstring, shower, eat, study some more, got to be early. favorite moment..if it follows anythign like the rest of the week probably none.

saturday-wake up at 5 so i can get ready for the track meet that i will probably not be running in, sit down for 12 hours, ride in a bus for another 4, come home, paooibly party if i feel the need. favorite moment...watching everyone else do something that i love and i cannot.

sunday-wake up, do some homework, study, go to chapter, get breakfast somewhere in the middle of all that, more homework after chapter, dinner, CHURCH, movie and sleep. favorite moment..church.

yea i got this idea from here.

The Workingest Girl

chain of command

so you know you always complain to your superiors, yea i do not have that.

it has been this ongoing thing with me this year, well i think for a couple of years. i need to talk to someone and i do not know who it should be. i have spread myself around in a way that i can only talk to certain people about certain things, well now there are a conglomeration of issues that are all intertwined and no one knows about all of them.

i cannot talk to my younger brother, he is not ready for that, he has his own stuff to deal with. i cannot talk to my little because he cannot understand. everytime i need to talk my big is somewhere else and when he is there i do not want too.

so who is the superior? i am not sure. not a big fan of telling strangers my problems and do not think that the parents need this so i think i am stuck.

it is funny i wish for the problems others have because i feel that they would be more easily remedied. but hey that is just me.

well i guess i should not give the impression that things are all bad. this semester has been going pretty well in terms of school and that is a good thing to start with. my favorite professor loves me and that is even better.

the roommate still cracks me up. you know what i have written about him in a long time. maybe i will do that tomorrow. hahaha that is awesome.

so i guess there are a lot of positives going on right now. i am learning to make myself happy again and that is a big thing for me. right now i can only go up and that is the best thing of all.

hey like Winston Churchill said "if you are going through hell, keep going" i will have to agree.

when the past finds the present

wow!!! (those are for you fred, hahahaha) i have not see this person in 6 years, and what happenes i see him at a track meet.

the real kicker is that he walks up to me and calls me by my whole name, and that is right i do not remember. not until after he took his hood off did i recognize him but i did not know his last name. i felt like a complete jerk. he even got the state that i moved back too when i left bloomington. what is that, well needless to say i felt like an ass.

for you who know me i know what you are thinks (that is right you are an ass) well i am sorry. but it was just weird cuz it caught me off guard, i did not know what to do. but then we got to talking and it was nice.

it is good to catch up with the people that you were once friends with. he made me smile and it was nice. oh yea and speaking of reconnecting there is a certain liz i should probably send an email too.

well here is to old friends. (that was a toast everyone, that means raise you glasses and take a drink, say clink if there is no one there to toast with.)

i am crazy hahaha

where am i?

so yea i do not know what i am doing right now...i start with one thing and change to another. where am i and what am i doing?

i find myself asking that questino more and more often now and i do not know what to make of it. i think in someways i am lost and in others i am on top of my game. it is a weird feeling i have decided and i do not know if i like it or not.

hmmm i feel that i do not know what i am doing with myself. is that wrong to feel like that? is it ok? i do not know what to make of it and is that ok?

i find that the more i ask questions to find the answer all it does is lead to more questions and i feel like i am not getting anywhere with anything. i guess that all of it will come with time, but what if it doesn't? where will i be then?

am i prepared for that outcome? i do not think that i am ready now. will i ever be? what is with all of the questions? where am i going with all of this?

this is what i feel like i am doing all of the time. is this healthy? is it normal? hmm i really do not know. i guess i will have to settle for that right now and try and think of an answer tomorrow.

good night.

oh yea if school is for the smart people why do i have idiots living right next door? (no not you rishboo and erok)

1, 2, step

this beat is automatic, supersonic, hyponitic, funky fresh, work my body, so melodic, this beat rolls right through my chest, everyboby ma and pappi came to party, grabs somebody, work your body, let me see you 1, 2, step.

rock it, don't stop it, everybody get on the floor. break the party up, we about to get it off. let me see you 1,2 step, i love it when you 1,2 step, everybody 1,2 step, we about ti get it off.

this beat is outrageous, so contageous, make you crave it, jazzi made it. so retarded, top charted, ever since the dance started, strut myself and yes i flaunt it, goodies make the boys jump on it. no i can't control myself, now let me do my 1,2 step.

rock it, don't stop it, everybody get on the floor. break the party up, we about to get it off. let me see you 1,2 step, i love it when you 1,2 step, everybody 1,2 step, we about ti get it off.

it don't matter to me, we can dance slow. which ever way the beat drop our bodies will go. so swing it over here mr dj, and we will we will rock you. it don't matter to me, we can dance slow. which ever way the beat drop our bodies will go. so swing it over here mr dj, and we will we will rock you.

(missy)- i shake it like jello, make the boys say hello, cuz you know i'm rockin' the beat. i know you heard about a lotta great mc's, but they aint got nothin on me. because im five foot two, i wanna dance with you and i'm sophisticated fun. i eat filet mingnon, and im nice and young, best believe im number one.

rock it, don't stop it, everybody get on the floor. break the party up, we about to get it off. let me see you 1,2 step, i love it when you 1,2 step, everybody 1,2 step, we about ti get it off.

ciara.

my little is great

hahahaha

my little brother cracks me up. sometimes he reminds me of a little child but in a good way. he just told me something that i have knowm for a very long time and knew was coming. but it is funny and nice that he has enough respect for me to tell me anyways.

he likes my last ex which is good for him, i am sure they will be happy. but it was great non-the-less. it made my night and that is a good thing. he is funny.

hey shelf-butt (insert sound-effects here)this is great and see i told you. hahaha but we need to talk.

with a saddened heart

a president, a brother and most of all a friend, he leaves us. i wish you the best my brother in all that this year may bring you. good luck and i hope that the peace in which you seek, you find.

we all love you and we will deeply miss you. everyone in this chapter has been effected by you and in spirit you will always be here. be strong in new ventures for the fruits of them will be the best that you have ever tasted.

this is not the end, it is a transition that you have chosen to make and in making that decision although you think is selfish is anything but. you taking this time not only allows you to find what you are looking for but will allow you be become a better friend, brother, president and companion to all in your life. (they do not all apply to one person) you will find that part of you which will make you whole and nothing would make us happier than to see that.

i will miss you phil, we will miss you.

farewell but not for too long.

improved...but not new

that is right tomorrow starts my last semester as a junior. well i guess that is kind of a stupid statement because i only have two semesters as a junior. but i am goin to make it anyways.

this year has gone by so quickly and it is strange like that. i am looking forward to what this year has to bring because i feel that it is goin to be a good one. ok enough with all of the sappy stuff.

you know what i have found that i really do not like. the airport. i mean come one now. what is this. espically sea-tac. i do not think that i have ever been in an airport with the dumbest security. i feel that they would do me more harm that anyone on the plane. hahaha but serioursly what is this?

when leaving to go down to california something was wrong in one of the security lines, so instead of stopping that one and letting people go through the rest of them this is what they do they shut them all down. now can someone please tell me what is the meaning of this? frankly i am baffled and so were the security guards in line which made me laugh.

ahh well it is time to finish the registration.

there is nothing worse than bad chinese food except bad mexican food. (by the way there are two of my favorites, well not bad food but good mexican and chinese food)

merry christmas...belated

so this is a good time of year for everyone. well that is if you have someone to spend it with of course. i am sorry if you do not you can always spend it with me if you are reading this then i am sure you know me and then that works hahahahahaha.

what can i say i crack myself up. it has certainly beena while and i am sure most people thought that i fell off the face of the earth. well i am here to tell you that i did not and i am just fine, well a little older, wiser, stronger, and more cynical but other than that the same old me. you just have to love it.

well it was nice gettin back from school and getting to catch up with other people. like liz for example, i do talk to her ona fairly regular basis via email but it was just nice to see her, and her new hair, and braces. it gave us time to catch up on everything that we did not put in our emails because that would take way too long to type. di, drexel says hey. speaking of di, she gave me a really hard time for not coming earlier to visit her and that made me smile.

i am ejoying the break that i am having from life, but i have learned that you really cannot take a complete break from life. one of these days i will discover that secret and then i will be the best person in the world. hahahaha.

seriously though i love life for the most part and that is a good thing. granted there were a few and sometimes large bumps in the road bti think that i handled all of them in the best possible way and became a better person for that.

i wish my picture CD did not get scratched because now i cannot post any of them and i am sad so now i have to take more pictures. well that really is not that bad of a problem to have now is it?

it feels good to write something on here again. oh yea and i think that you should check out one of my best friends sites he has one too. it is a new addition to the links portion of this page. well until we meet again

FOCKER OUT!

if you did not see the movie that will not be funny

if i want to...

everytime i look up i can see it in your face you wanna hook up with me. instead of actin like your supposed to, you cop an attitude like you're too good for me.

and you know good and damn well that if i want it i can take you from your man, with my eyes closed. i could have you eatin out of the palm of my hand, and all your little girlfriends too.

girl-no you can't get with me if i don't want you

yes i can if i will if i want to baby.

ain't nobody tryin clown you, but your too damn old to play high school games with me. cause even when im not around you i be hearin from my friends you be askin about me. i don't really care how long you've been together with your man. it's just a matter of time before i make you mine. i wanna make it clear, so there is no misunderstanding, that i get, what i want, when i want.

if i want it i can take you from your man, with my eyes closed. i could have you eatin out of the palm of my hand, and all your little girlfriends too.

girl-no you can't get with me if i don't want you

yes i can if i will if i want to baby.

that i get, what i want, when i want.

if i want it i can take you from your man, with my eyes closed. i could have you eatin out of the palm of my hand, and all your little girlfriends too.

girl-no you can't get with me if i don't want you

yes i can if i will if i want to baby.

study time

that is right, finals are drawing closer and closer and that is what i will be doing all week. if you have not heard from me in a while that is probably the reason.

this will be it for me and so i am making the last effort to make sure my grades do not plummit. i think that will not be all that hard but hey you never know what life might throw your way and so i just think i will try and prepare for the worst. i think that is a pretty good way of approaching things right now so i think that i will do it like that.

hmm it is off to the lab for me.

it's been a long time

wow it seems like forever since the last time that i have put anything up. it is a shame i think that i really need to get back into the swing of things. this has been such an interesting semester for me i must say that this one tops all of the other ones.

that is no small feet too, because freshman year i was the roommate of the kid that stole playstations and sold them on ebay. my favorite was that he took a chain that i had and my camera dock and sold them too. it was funny because i did want to know where he got all of his money since he did not work and his parents did not send him money.

then sophomore year i had about 700 dollars worth of clothing a shoes stolen. one who has that many clothes at college, this kid, and two why would someone do that, because they were trying to get me back for what i still do not understand to this day, because i really was not that mean to the kids that did this. as a matter of fact i would help them out with all sorts of things.

but i will not lie this year takes the cake. i guess i am not as ready to speak about it as openly as the last too, granted they were much more comical than this year.

oh yea and finding a job, so much harder to do this year than any other year. i swear it is the most difficult thing i have ever done. well that is about it.

thanksgiving was awesome. i have never eaten so much in my life and that is tough because i eat so much it would probably make a fat person sick. hahahaha college humor sorry. but it was good, if i could ever get my pics online then i would be able to show what some of them looked like. but it just is not working.

to all back home i miss talkin with you. and i think mabye i will drop by when i get back.

initation

well it is offical, we have finished the initiation of six great men into our chapter. i am very excited and very tired but the dowsiness will fade.

it was a grand experience watching them grow in the fraternity and as young men. why am i talking like i am old, shoot i am still growing as a young man. well it is easier to watch and see the changes in someone else than it is to see in yourself, that is one thing that i did learn.

but it is great i have not been this excited for a while and now my little brother can wear letters, that is right that i got him. what can i say i am an awesome big. but we can save that for another day.

i am starting to grow a little migrane so i think that this is the end for the time being.

time

well here i am. just chillin here waiting for someting to happen.

i have noticed that when i try for some oddreason everythign just gets messed up right now. mabye right i will take some time and just let some things just happen to me. i am curious to see how that willl end up.

i am just tired right now of everything i just want to relax. and i do not mean kicking off my shoes and having a beer. no i am talking about a break from everythig so that my brain can just calm down and i can be at peace.

well that will not happen for a very long time, so i guess i will have to find a new way to get by. because right now the insomnia is a pain and i do not know how much longer i can take it.

well for the thrid attempt at sleep.

i miss

i miss...

movies,
long walks with friends,
talking with my younger, little, and big brother,
peace,
quite nights,
freedom,
no stress,
SLEEP,
food,
joy,
everything...

life is hard right now.

busy

so yea i have been so busy i would sit down and think "right now i do not have time to sit here and breathe." well hopefully next week will not be so bad or else i will go crazy.

but it is nice to have enough time just to sit here and type something. i like it. well i think that is all i have time for.

roses are red violets are blue, you are mean and i am too.

its been a long time...

so this has been really interesting. i have never had a little brother (not to be confused with younger brother) before. i did not think that i would be able to handle it. but then i talked to my big brother (not to be confused with older because i am the oldest) and he told me that i was ready.

well i know that does not sound like a big thing to any ordinary person but i guess it really is because he is more critical than me. wow what a shock to find someone more critical than me. for everyone laughing try not to get too loud.

but so i embark on this journey with my little brother and it will be an interesting one. i have learned to balance time and his needs with the needs of myself and have become quite successful at it.

it has been a long time since i have put something up here and that is strange but oh well what can you do now. this is going to be a good week i can tell already i do not know why yet but i know it will be. well i gots to get ready to have an awesome day.

movies

i have a rather large collection of movies that i am quite fond of. i have all types. you know scary, murders/criminal, romantic, comedy, mysteries, fantasies, and even sinister ones.

i love them all because i love movies. if i could i would like to take ebert or ropert's place and be a film critic and that would be awesome.

if i could get paid for watching movies that is all that i would do. life could not be any better. well i guess it could but i think that i would have a great time.

well enough about that but i could go on forever about how much i love movies and what not. if you ever wanna talk you know where to find me.

these are the times...

god knows that you're a sexy thing. its takin everything in me not to kiss you over under, feel you inside feel my thunder. how the hel could i not want you.

girl you don't have to be a thing, i'll wait for you, you wait for me. cuz true love's insisting, we don't have to rush at all.

these are the times we all wish for, the moment when less means so much more. we don't have to do a thing at all, we can take our time and talk. and this is the way things need to be no pressure for you and none for me. just let the mood set the moment off, wecan make love or not at all.

been thinking bout you all the time, morning, noon, and suppertime. tear you up in little pieces, swallow you like reeses pieces, come on girl you know i need it.

it ain't supposed to be a thing, i'll wait for you, you wait for me. cuz true love's insisting, we don't have to rush at all.

these are the times we all wish for, the moment when less means so much more. we don't have to do a thing at all, we can take our time and talk. and this is the way things need to be no pressure for you and none for me. just let the mood set the moment off, wecan make love or not at all.

i don't make promises, cuz i know my heart gets weak. when i get around you girl, it makes them hard to keep. cuz you bring out the best, make me the man god knows i'm prod to be.

these are the times we all wish for, the moment when less means so much more. we don't have to do a thing at all, we can take our time and talk. and this is the way things need to be no pressure for you and none for me. just let the mood set the moment off, wecan make love or not at all.

man do i love that song...

ice cream and a movie

so yea i am sitting here on a friday night eating ice cream and watching a movie with one of my best female friends here. it is nice and i miss college life like this.

relaxing without having to worry about anthing life is just carefree. i wish that everything could be like this moment. just bottle it up and keep it forever.

well days like that cannot happen all of the time and that is what makes times like these so special.

well to these days we all love.

what is this?

what is this? i might be getting a job. how awesome is that? too awesome!

if everything goes to plan i will be a nursing assistant. i will get paid well for cleaning up Lord knows what. i don't think that i am that ready for it but i willing to do it and i guess that is all that matters.

yea i love it when i conquer the world. well it is not all conquered yet but i am getting there. just give me til the end of the month and lets see what i say then. i am hoping for something great. i do not know but i am excited.

yay for me. today is a good day. smiles all around.

rynee

hahahaha you know who this is

well anyways if you do not it is your loss. he is a great guy and one of my favorites. yup that is right i like him more than anyone else.

well there maybe one person i like more than him. but only they know. so anyways have not talked to him in a while and i think that i should.

he knows me the best and i know him better even though he does not want to admit it. but that is ok he is my greatest source of entertainment because everytime i see him he talks for 3 hours. it is nice because he is catching me up on everything i missed which is funny because some of the people that he hangs out with have lost their minds.

well it is time for chem. but rynee i love ya.

little brother

i got a little brother last week and it was nice. why would someone want me as their big i do not know but hey i am glad i was picked.

my little is not to be confused with my younger. my younger is my brother from birth and my little is my brother fraternally.

the funniest thing about my little is that he is taller and bigger than me and older too. so then what part of him is little? well that is where it gets to be funny because when i call him my little he is anything but.

well this one is dedicated to him since i wrote one about jon. (that is my big brother) and so i thought i would talk about hte other part of my fraternal family.

homecoming

homecoming...the time when all alums come back and share their time with the college students.

there are bbq's, race walks, tours, you name it they got it. it is a blast. especially when the alums are from your fraternity.

some of them i know and others i don't but it is nice to see thema nd hear about what they are doing after college. it is also a time for us to kick back and just have a great time.

we had a formal and that was excellent. whenever i can get my pics downloaded onto my comp i will post these pics. they are awesome and it was a blast.

well not looking forward to the week but the weekend was a blast.

i feel...

i like what she has to say i look for the same thing in a woman. this is how i feel and i can understand why she feels like that.

clouds

clouds in my coffee, clouds in my coffee.

well not really that thought just came out of no where. but seriously i was in a car with someone and they were talking about how the clouds looked like the ones from the opening of the simpsons. i thought to myself that they were absolutely right. and it made me happy.

then this thought came into mind. what if i looked at my life as those clouds. sometimes they are really beautiful and big a fluffy, others they are flat, dull and grey, and other violent with torrential rains and gale force winds. then you realize that they are all temporary and all pass, weather that is a good thing or not. (the whether is spelled wrong because i am talking about clouds.)

well at least that is what i was thinking.

freedom

yea i know i sound like an ass while writing this and i am sure that the one that this concerns will not be that happy but i don't care.

i love this feeling of freedom, you know the one when you realize that you are better off without the person. yea that is how i feel right now. i know this is completely mean but you know what i have had my fair share of stuff to put up with.

drama and stress have evaporated and they were all over me like the devil on a Christian. hey that is a good one i think i will keep that in my repitior. but seriously i have washed my hands of this person and it is a great feeling.

i have moved on to bigger and better things and now i am smiling. i haven't genuinly done that in a week.

i am happy.

huh?

does anyone know what is going on cuz i sure don't. it is wierd and i do not think i like it. you know that feeling when you are just standing there and something happens and all you can say is huh?

that is exactly how i feel about the whole day. it just did not make any sense.

well changing my desktop and rearranging my room seemed to help make some sense of something today, i have spent more time trying to figure out what i am doing than doing what i should be.

so i think that i am going to call it a night and hopefully when i wake up in the morning i will experience that moment of enlightenment that i have been searching for.

singing today

Locked Up

i'm steady trying to find the motive, why i do what i do. the freedom at gettin no closer, no matter how far i go.

my car is stolen. my registration. cops patrollin, and none of that stopped me.

and i get locked up. they won't let me out, they won't let me out. i'm locked up, they won't let me out, no, they won't let me out.

Hypnotic

hypnotic, you're so hypnotic. you know you got it. you know got a spell ahold on top of me. hypnotic, you're so hypnotic. you know you got it. you got me all up in a transe doin it to me.

i guess that i have been in a mood to sing today

trust

hey this is the second time that write about this in less than a month. i have learned that i should never be so trusting it just ends up hurting.

hey is that not what i said last time. yup that is right ladies and gents i did say that. do i think that i wanna trust people ever again, hmm i do not know but i am sure that the answer is yes.

why will i? i do not know but there is one thing that i have learned is that as hard as it is to trust someone, especially after they have done something wrong, it is much better to forgive them and help them regain your trust than to just let it go by the wayside.

this is really only true if you care about the person because if you do not there really is not a reason to do so. trust is a big thing and when you lose mine it takes a long time to get back.

be aware of this and learn that things like this should not be taken lightly with anyone especially those that you care about.

mozilla firefox

well i decided to get a new server because internet explorer was not working. this is an experiment and right now i think that i like it.

well this has been one of the worlds longest weeks and i am so glad that it is over.

you those that just drain you of all energy and happiness, you just wanna curl up in bed and sleep becuase you are just so sick of dealign with everything. well yea that is the type of week that i just had.

one the bright side my big brother is coming back to school for homecoming in less than a week and i am very excited to see him. i cannot wait.

next week will be agreat week i know because good things happen. so here's looking towards the future. oh yea the solution to everything is peanut butter. huh?

channel surfing

what is the deal with channel surfing.

you still dont' watch anything. if there is nothing on there is NOTHING on. come on people don't you understand this?

how hard is it? not very!

well this is just a serious problem. oh yea duckie says that girls are not expensive. (she just doesn't know)

tired

i am tired of...

studying
listening to people create small talk just to fill the void of silence
cranky people
being craky
eating ramen
people screaming during FIFA
a messy room that is not my fault
nosy people
stress
allergies
migranes
rumors
laziness
people without common sense

i am tired.

labs

what is the point of spending 3.5 hours doing physics? i do not see a reason for this. why is my teacher such a pain? i do not know this either.

this is a waste of my time and life. i have other things that i could be doingthat are far more better than this.

if this lab was an hour and a half that would be pefect.

well until that happens i will be stuck in hell #2.

my brothers

i just read aloud my creed to you. i have realized that i may not be living up to what i just said. my brothers i know all of you had to make a creed, but how many of you live it? i know that there are sometimes that i have not, and realize that i should. is there something we can learn from this?

i think there is. not only is my creed important to me, it is your responsibility as my brother to honor and respect that. but does it just stop there? no.

as a brother in this fraternity we have committed ourselves to upholding what we have found important in a high-minded man and individual.

since when is a high-minded man a critic? when is he arrogant, self-serving, insensitive, and apathetic? better yet what part of the Jordan Standard do any of these traits apply to? how about the Spirit or the Creed? so why do we act this way?

have we lost sight of what being a Sig is about? why? what is the determining factor? a friend told me the other day that Sigma Chi does not provide the answers, it simply supplies the questions. well here is one answer that is does supply, the determining factor is you. i know that this might sound accusatory and i am sorry. i know that i am just as much at fault as you, and it is my pledge to you that i will try and live up to my own creed and the creed of Sigma Chi. would you make that same pledge to me? to your brothers?

we are losing sight of what we are here for. it hurts me to see some guys almost in tears because of the way that people in this Fraternity treat them. i am sorry to come to you today in a manner that is completely unpleasant, but sometimes unpleasantness is what is needed. i challenge you to reflect upon yourselves, assess within your lives that you are living by your creed, if not i challenge you to do so. if you do not have one, i challenge you to make one. if you feel that you live your creed, maybe you should tailor it because it is what we are striving for. it needs to be an unreachable goal that will improve upon your life and lives of others.

find the man in the glass, is this how he is supposed to be, is this how you want him to be, and is he happy? could you be proud of this man? is he proud of you? if you are struggling with any of the questions i have asked you today, recognize this, and try and change. this also applies to me because i have trouble answering some of these myself.

my brothers it is time for us to renew within ourselves the values and ideals that set us apart from all other men and live them. we need to embrace the differences amongst us, for that is why we were founded. change, everything changes and i believe that it is our time as well. i know we still have in us what others saw to invite us into this Fraternity. let us live that and in doing so we shall improve the lives of not only ourselves but everyone whom we interact with.

r-e-s-p-e-c-t

it is funny how i feel that i am not getting any of that around here.

what is hard about respecting someone when they do it to you? i do not find that hard at all, but hey i guess some people feel that it is.

i have realized that it is time for some changes in my life. and i think that will me one of mine.

i will not surround myself with people who do not respect me and what i stand for.

hmm things feel better already.

work

ha ha ha. it is nice hearing from people back home. i love it.

it is funny because last summer was the beginning of my true transition from a teenager to an adult. there were many times that i hated it, but even more that i loved. the best part of growing up are the times when you mess up because that is when you truly grow.

my tacky outbursts and callous comments have taught me to hold my tongue because i have learned that i really do hurt some people. sometimes i need to just be to myself because there are people who actually need to get stuff done. but hey that is me, i love to be involved with people that is how i work. so i learned how to start to temper myself and know what is good and when not to.

the reflections that see of myself in those that have replied to my emails is amazing.

i see where i was and where i am now and they were a part in helping me grow. i thank them for that.

people are sheep be the shepard.

summer changes

it seems like every time i come back from summer vacation everyone looks different and better. i think to myself how come stuff like that never happens to me. i have looked the same since i was like 5 years old.

you know in high school you had those summers when you would come back and find that everyone has changed and you probably have too. well that was not the case for me. and that is still the case now.

why is that i find myself asking why am i so different. can't i come back from just one summer vacation looking better then when i started. just once i would like that.

well here's to wishing.

insert pitty hand

what is that. she does it because she knows i hate it. there is something wrong with that. she knows sign-language and can say things to me that i do not understand. i do not think that i like that.

so now i guess that i will have to learn so i know what she is saying.

him

i hate him. why does he act like this.

it sucks when you take backseat to everything else in the world. sometimes i wish that i wasn't his son. he hurts me so much.

it is interesting how everything form his first marriage has become unimportant to him. he doesn't talk to my mom unless to argue. my brother had a tumor the size of a bracelet jewelery case between his first and second bones in his neck. did you know what he wasn't even going to come for the surgery.

he laughs at me when i tell him my dreams and aspirations. who does that. you can't support your sons that are your own flesh and blood.

oh but what he can support is he current wife, stepmom, and my little sister oh yea she is adopted. i am not saying that i do not love her as a matter of fact i have a pic of her in my room and countless on my computer.

the two that are part of him (me and my lil bro) he treats like bastard children and the aforementioned women like queens.

to be the one person in his current family that he has known the longest it is a shame. i am like shit to him and that is hard to take. i guess the only good thing is that when i am free of him he will never hear from me again.

i guess that is the only thing that i have to look forward to because right now i am in some serious pain.

the funny thing is

trusting someone is the hardest thing to do. it is what everyone craves.

the funny thing is that when you trust someone they almost inevitably end up hurting you, causing you not to want to trust someone else.

then everyone is upset because you don't trust them. but should that necessarily be the case? i don't think so. i think that people should prove to you why you should trust them and then take it to heart.

trust isn't something that is just given out, it needs to be earned and once earned needs to be valued. people can only be hurt so many times before they give up. without trust you can only get as far as people can throw you.

don't let that be your existance because and existance like that is a pathetic one.

my goodies

i bet you want the goodies, bet you thought about it. got you all hot and bothered because i talk about it. you looking for the goodies keep on looking cuz they stay in the jar. oh oh oh oh yea.

Sigma Chi

a sig i am, that is right i am finally writing about my fraternity. i love these guys, they are awesome.

for some people they feel that going greek is about buying friends, or partying, or everything that you have seen in the movie animal house.

well for me it is much much more than that. it is a group of guys that all share the same ideals and all uphold seven standards; a man of good character, a student of fair ability, with ambitious purposes, a congenial disposition, possessed of good morals, having a high sense of honor and a deep sense of personal responsibility. we are always striving to improve upon these standards which we hold dear to our hearts.

we all share these bonds of brotherhood and know and understand that this is just more than an excuse to get together and drink. these are the men in which you can feel comfortable telling your secrets to and knowing that it is ok. they are there in your darkest hour and in your moment of triumph.

this group of men knows that there is a value in the differences in people and they embrace it. they strive for what is best and know that they are here to improve upon what we have been left.

my creed: i will try to always find the positive in everything. be honest and trusting towards all. find the beauty in all things because everything is beautiful. recognize that i am the only one keeping me from greatness. know that there is always someone who is better than me and that it is my responsibility to help those that are not as skilled as me. love unconditionally. not let negative emotions get the best of me. smile. stop, if i find myself arguing over something trivial.shut up if i am angry, for it is better to hold my tongue than to say something that i will regret later.

all of us have one, a creed that is, and that is mine. we hold true to these things that we find dearest to ourselves and since they are so, they are dear to my brothers as well. in other words it is our personal journey to achieve something greater than what we are at this moment in time that causes each other to grow. we hold each other accountable for our actions and expect the same back. thus living up to the jordan standard, the points of which are listed above.

what i know is that men like these are hard to come by. and that we are all here for a purpose, lets embrace that and know that what we are here to do is to uphold the standards of which we all possess and grow from the knowledge of others.

i am proud to be a sig, and i forever am Sigma Chi.

two states the same girl

my old coworker reminds me of my best female friend at shool. she is sassy and all of those other things if you know either one of them you understand. they remind me so much of each other and it is hilarious.

what is really strange is that they are even going through the same type of things at the same time. it is scary. one wrote a note to JM and the other to JB and the first names of the guys are the same. both of which were also goodbye.

it is amazing how you surround yourseslf with the same type of people no matter where you go. these two are over a thousand miles away and it is like i picked up where i left off.

i think that these two should talk one day beacue i think that it would be awesome. just as long as it is not about me that is all that i ask.

well to both of you. you are great people and there is so much waiting for you. go get em' tiger.