now this is the part where we break it down, now pick it up.
just a little taste of what i hear when i am at the club. it is a blast everytime i go. me and the group go about 2 times a month and just cut up. ahh the college life how i love thee, to bad it ends in 6 months.
today i slept...
more than usual, i do not ever remember doing anything like this before. why i ask myself. is it because i have this new job? is it because i am doing more school work? am i stressed? hmm this answer to this i do not know.
but what i do know is i am sleepy...
i have decided that i am angry for many reasons that cannot be disclosed. i have decided that i cannot take this and unless my issues are redressed i will be havnig some strong words with a lot of people.
that is all i have to say.
i just took a personality test...is this me?
As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.
INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.
INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.
INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.
But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.
Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.
INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.
In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.
The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.
Jungian functional preference ordering:
Dominant: Introverted Intuition
Auxilliary: Extraverted Feeling
Tertiary: Introverted Thinking
Inferior: Extraverted Sensing
for all of you that think that my photo skills are unmatched, here are some more for you to drool over...
most people go to a bar for their 21st birthday. but not this kid, for my 21st birthday i went to alaska. ewll it was the most beautiful place i have seen in a long time i must say.
well the feet one is just for Liz but i thought that i would share just a little with ya.
goodnight lamps, goodnight table,
goodnight bowl full of mush
and the little old lady whispering hush.
as my final summer as a college student comes to a close i look forward to the last year of college.
but enough of the mushy stuff
i awoke this morning from the worst dream, i was infected with flesh-eating bacteria and i was dying. it was horrible and i looked horrible too.
but hey i awoke and knew it was a dream, good things about dreams, they are not real.
somehow i know that, there's a place up above
with no more hurt and struggling
free of all atrocities and suffering
because i feel the unconditional love, from one who cares enough for me
to erase all my burdens
and let me be free to
fly like a bird.
take to the sky.
i need you now Lord, carry me high
don't let the world break me tonight.
i need the strength of you by my side.
sometimes this life can be so cold.
i pray you'll come and carry me home.
can we recover, will the world ever be
a place of peace and harmony?
with no war and with no brutality.
if we loved each other, we would find victory
but in this harsh reality
sometimes i'm so despondant that i feel the need to
fly like a bird.
take to the sky.
i need you now Lord, carry me high
don't let the world break me tonight.
i need the strength of you by my side.
sometimes this life can be so cold.
i pray you'll come and carry me home.
Keep your head to the sky
With God's love you'll survive
fly like a bird.
take to the sky.
i need you now Lord, carry me high
don't let the world break me tonight.
i need the strength of you by my side.
sometimes this life can be so cold.
i pray you'll come and carry me home.
carry me higher, higher, higher
carry me higher, higher, higher
carry me home
higher Jesus
carry me higher Lord
it's like that y'all, that y'all...
well needless to say this is a great day.
i continue to make changes to myself, and i am loving it. one little one has gotten more attention than some of the ones that i have made on a grander scale.
it is interesting how somethings go unnoticed to some and are blaringly clear to others. well if you notice this change you will love it.
ok so i know i said i was done but i found some more and could not resist...
Aeronausiphobia- Fear of vomiting secondary to airsickness
Ambulophobia- Fear of walking
Anthrophobia or Anthophobia- Fear of flowers
Amathophobia- Fear of dust
Apotemnophobia- Fear of persons with amputations
Asymmetriphobia- Fear of asymmetrical thingstations
Bathmophobia- Fear of stairs
Chromophobia or Chromatophobia- Fear of colors
Cymophobia or Kymophobia- Fear of waves or wave like motions
Didaskaleinophobia- Fear of going to school
Dipsophobia- Fear of drinking
Ereuthrophobia- Fear of blushing
Ergophobia- Fear of work
Heliophobia- Fear of the sun
Hyelophobia or Hyalophobia- Fear of glass
Hygrophobia- Fear of liquids, dampness, or moisture
Hypengyophobia or Hypegiaphobia- Fear of responsibility
Hylephobia- Fear of materialism or the fear of epilepsy
wow, i can not believe this. this year has gone from bad to worse to horrible to amazing.
things for me just keep getting better. i am more comfortable with myself and the man that i am becomming. and how i am growing as an adult.
the most important thing is that there are very few things that bother me now, i am happy, blessed and drama-free. i want everyone to feel like me.
goofing off one day i start imitating someone one the radio. someone turns to me and asks me if i sing for real. honestly i answer and tell them i have been singing for a long time.
i find myself randomly singing at work sometimes. and i get scorned, not because it sounds bad but because it is distracting to those that are one the phone, which is understandable.
i wonder what would happen if i did this professionally, or i just stopped.
countless people tell me i a great, but i think they are just blowing smoke. i can never tell what is real and what is not.
could i handle the truth, what would i do with it. hmmm i really do not know but one thing is for sure if i do not ask i will never know. so tell me what do you think?
how do i sound?
can you hear me?
(i am joking)
even though it is a year away, i am horribly excited to go to culinary school. i have not gotten in or figured out how i am going to pay for this but i am excited none-the-less.
i think it stems more from something that one of my very good friends said, you are serious about this, it is something you love nad are already good at. man i cannot wait until that day when i can walk onto that campus and start cooking.
just writing about it right now makes me even more excited. what can i say i am happy for once go figure. getting out of school, going home and reorganizing my life has brought me back to the person i used to be a long time ago.
i am so excited i do not know what to do with myself. right now i have 365 days until culinary school i know that sounds like a lot but think about it this way, God willing i have 22,000 days left so 365 is not bad at all.
food glorious food.
i have resumed my regular workouts at bally's. it is good to start to get back into shape again. maybe by november i will have gained 25 pounds, well at least that is my goal.
so while i am at the gym i get to lifting, which is the only way said pounds will get added, and i hear this guy lifting two benches over. now most people grunt, scream, or make some sort of gutteral noise. well not this guy.
it sounds like he is engaging in a porn movie. needless to say just a little gross, but hey i am not going to be the one to tell him, he is twice my size and all muscle.
that oh familiar word uttered from the mouths of little children. little children, little people, with their round faces, small hands and adorable features.
but do not let that fool you. they are smarter than they look.
just the other day i watched one make a laser out of a light bulb a mirror and a box of toothpicks. ok so i am talking about mcguyver, but it was worth the shot.
seriously though they are a bundle of joy with legs and arms and a head, with a mouth and eyes and hair and ears, and the most annoying phrase ever, i have to potty.
as my life has gotten progressively better, one thing has come into sharp relief, i have never connected to a single person. i have gotten close to people before but i want more than that.
i watch all of my friends and their lives, never envious but always happy for them. i think if you were to ask me that 2 months ago i would have said something else.
sitting at home watching tv, or a movie i want someone there. i love to be alone but at the same time i want someone there you know what i mean. not as an accessory or anything like that, but to be a companion.
someone to just lay witha nd talk at all hours of the night, someone who will call me or i can call just because, someone strong, compassionate, intelligent and creative. gentle and patient.
i feel like a tropical island, people stay there for a short time but then they leave and might not return until the next year. i want to feel connected to someone.
kinda a depression way to end, so a little ditty i came up with...
ok so i forgot it and i think it was stupid, but i would want them to laugh it and think it was cute none the less.
means that i am a little smarter, wiser and closer to death...well naturally that is.
think back, has this year really been different than all of the others. besides the obvious fact that i am getting old, on the surface you would probably say no.
i still make silly mistakes, still say inappropriate things, i am lacking in so many areas. but then there is not a person who is not lacking somehwere. and the realization of this has changed me. i have grown because i now identify what is defective about me and try and fix it. i will always be defective but hey i like it like that.
"she's working that back i don't know how to act. slow motion for me, slow motion for me, slow motion for me move in slow motion for me."
ok random thought but it was triggered by the last sentence.
granted they are defects but they are MINE and i love them. it makes me special.
that i think is why this ring is different from all of the rest. it was that marking of a very healty/prosperous year.
crazy that is.
for a while i thought that i was. there is this guy at work who i swore was two different people. now i am fortunate to have a photographic memory and so i am very very good at remembering what people are wearing and what they look like.
i thought that these two were brothers or something. plus every other time i would see him he would not have his glasses on. one day on the other off, one day on the next off.
it was starting to confuse me because i did not know if he wore glasses or not. it was the strangest thing.
well i just ran into him with the glasses on and then i knew, i was not going crazy it really was him. so now i feel better.
"i didn't know that hooters had take-out. what's the point?"
i might get a new i site. i do not know how this one will work so for right now i am doing two. the other one is with xanga.
check the links if you wanna read. the first blog is a repeat.
that phrase has been flying around the office all day. i guess so far it has been. if all goes really well i will get the apartment that i have been wanting for a while, boasting the biggests closets in northern indiana.
ok shut it erica i know you are laughing.
i am looking forward to all of the good things that will be happeneing today and this week.
